Currently

"You said I'm wise, but I'm not so sure
Maybe my lies were just that good
And my lonely tears wish never to be
Puddled on the floor with just them and me
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing
There's truth in these eyes, you can rest assured
Salvaged by voices that have no words
Running with fear left ruin in its wake
Is the measure of a man how much love he can fake?
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing
Oh, time, it is so hard
With all your fears and your running around
We sadly burn down what we had
It happens so long
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing
It's a long life, a long life to be always longing"

I will follow you into the dark

This week left me
heavy with sadness
and he doesn't
know what to do
stands by helpless
in my despair
holds my hand
saying I love you, I love you
trying to mend
my hurting heart
for something
I cannot complete

I feel guilty
and so imperfect
knowing he didn't
sign up for this
that maybe I misled
I try too hard to
be positive
and end up
glued to the bed
unable
so unable

maybe it will happen
maybe it will not
I just hope
we can find a peace
within us
to mend our hurting hearts
and lift this
heaviness from me

+ Positive

It's amazing how
selfish you can be
when you want something
so badly
and what an awful person
you can be
when you don't get
what you want.

nothing like looking at your own history, in the faces of your friends

Last night I talked on the phone with Krista for almost 2 hours. We don't talk as often as most best friends do, but when we talk we "TALK". I've been feeling very "friend-less" lately and she came through huge for me (again). Sometimes I feel very taken for granted by some of my friends like "oh good ol'Mindy treat her like crap, she keeps coming back". Krista takes that feeling away.

She's all moved in to her new place in the RH so we are going to hang out more, and by "hang out" I mean do nothing. Watch movies, spa nights, drink coffee and chill out. I really miss doing that.

I wish some other people could be the same kind of friend to me like she is.

Listening & relating

"little flashing zero
on my answering machine
rats scratching at my pain,
brain shuffling its feet
guess i have my father's heart
and it may or may not keep on trying
can't really tell you what it is
keeps me this side of that dark line"

Tired of Tired

Too busy
for everything
too busy to see
those who bring joy
who comfort
who bring smiles

Too busy to go outside
to lay in the grass
it's all about impressing
and keeping up
with the Joneses

Too busy to have fun
to enjoy it all
I'm busy being busy
but I don't know what for
It's all about rushing
home to finish nothing

I wonder what age
will bring completeness
Will I ever feel full
Will I learn to want less
and not take for granted
all these things

I am looking for the simple life
but wonder how long it will take
to arrive

Another I wish I wrote.........

Happy Belated Cardboard Anniversary Baby, I love you !

"why don't you talk about it
I know there's something on your mind
will you go on and get a cigarette,
I�ll be waiting outside
the last few years have been much harder
than we ever thought they'd be
I know you hate it when I say I'm sorry
but I'm sorry

there was never a point in our love
that I didn't love you
not a point in our love
I always did, I always will, I always do love you still
I always would, how could I not hide, just look at us baby
we're kind of perfect

well sometimes I get all wrapped up
cause I don't know who to be
but you know when to be my security blanket, and when to uncover me
so let's just sit out on the back porch
and unravel everything
someday these will be our old days, let's make them worth our memory

there was never a point in our love
that I didn't love you
not a point in our love
I always did, I always will, I always do love you still
I always would, how could I not hide, just look at us baby
we're kind of perfect

never planned on loving somebody so much
but I've always had pretty good luck baby

I always did, I always will, I always do love you still
I always would, how could I not hide, just look at us baby
we're kind of perfect

we're kind of perfect
we're kind of perfect, baby
we're kind of perfect, baby
we're kind of perfect, baby"

Look out Ross, Manitoba !

Mindy is bachlorette-ing it up this weekend whilst Danny-Boy is going to a buddy's cabin with all his crazy-assed friends.


This weekend shall consist of $30 worth of Blockbuster rentals and 5lbs of chocolate.
and some Kraft Dinner because there's calcium in that right?


Wish me luck !

oh and wish my ovaries luck too, they need it.

Well I made it, I'm 27.

The party was awesome, like way too awesome. I kind of felt like crying through most of it cause it was just way more than I expected. The people, the gifts, the food, the sappy cards (thanks Dad). Was more than plenty, it was unbelieveable. It was pretty nuts, but a good kind of nuts. Jasmine brought over Spencer and he made my whole night. He's so cute, as if he wouldn't have totally made your birthday?

Second Helping of Panty Soup

It might just be the redneck in me, but this is some of the best shit ever.



I just bought Danny this cd as an anniversary gift for putting up with my bullshit over the last 2 years. I don't think I can wait to give it to him until Monday.

"And I'm pissed that I'm not getting younger. Getting pretty, getting loved, getting laid"

In 6 days I turn 27.
For the first time in my life, I am freaked about getting older.
Partly due to what is going on in my life (no kids, infertility) partly because of my job situation (still not sure if I can do this for the next 40 years) and partly because of my relationship with Danny (Will I have to ask him for the next 60 years to clean up after himself?)I get sad when I think about everything I haven't accomplished. I get even more sad when I look at other people my age and what they have accomplished, the places they've been and seen. I have lots to be thankful for, but I guess I am just wanting more for myself. I look back and everything I have gone through (somethings self-induced, some not) and I wonder how I made it this far. I guess we have to make some time for things and stop waiting for everything to happen on it's own.
I am hoping for very good things in the next 27.

Now bring me some cake !

Clever

"History is made by stupid people
Clever people wouldn't even try
If you want a place in the history books
Then do something dumb before you die"

Van-Nasty Birthday Extraordinaire !

Van-Nasty & Mindola
Originally uploaded by Skittlesjoss.

Happy Birthday to my "Kate"

I love you girlie ! Have a fantasmical birthday and a wicked time at your Lebowski party.

Love Mindy

Blind or Dumb?

And my Hawksley obsession continues....
I read this article this morning. Now these people either need new glasses or are borderline retarded.

Lukas Rossi is more Marilyn Manson than Hawksley Workman..."startling resemblance" I think not. Maybe a cracked out second-cousin resemblance but I think they look nothing alike. Look for yourself.











* thanks to b4refo0tmu5ic's flickr page for the Hawksley pic. It's a beaut

Another reason to love your childhood.....

When I was in elementary school and the temperatures were much like they have been the last few weeks (+30C), our teachers would pack us all up (chairs and all) and move us all outside and teach us. It was awesome but I thought every school did the same thing. Apparently not.


I wish my boss would do the same thing. This gal needs some sunshine :)

Miss me?

I went to Folk Fest
I volunteered
I Coordinated a Volunteer-Crew for the first time
I saw very little music
I met a lot of cool people
I had fun
I was psycho-stressed for 60% of the weekened
I was 40% relaxed and enjoying it
I am still exhausted
I have the hugest crush on Mr. Workman
I bought a new camera
I posted my pictures I took with it on my flickr


I will try and write a re-cap of this years festival.......or I may just want to forget all about it and look forward to next years.

It's a hot one kids.......stay cool!

So much excitement !!!!

-Tango had her kittens on friday (Danny was SO excited) you can check out some pics on my flickr account.
-Spent the entire day in Winnipeg on Saturday, culture-ifying Danny. It was fun but I am not sure it worked.
-Went riding all day Sunday and went for a dip in Monominto Pits. It was gorgeous!
-a huge tree broke in our yard during a crazy storm on Sunday night.
-Folk Fest starts Thursday and it's my first year coordinating the Transportation to Site crew, wish me luck !!!!

Mr. Spencer

"Tread neat so small those little feet
Amid the morning his small heart beats
So much excitement yesterday
That must be rewarded must be displayed"

Repave

and how have i become the
rough cobblestone beneath your feet
scraped and abused
yet forgiven
and repaved at the next second
i’ve become the reliable one
the one you can count on
but when have i been able to count
on you?

been on my own without the comforting
word of a friend for too long
only brief little coffees to try to
reel us back from the brink
but some how i think we are too
far beyond the edge
i’ve always held on,
but will you hold on?

spit out your abuse
you know i won’t return it
you know i will stay the same
quiet and broken
at home alone
it’s always his and never my own
impairing the image of myself
that i see everyday
that the person i once was
has now sunk into the
earth of my marriage
consuming and completely
till there is nothing left
of me

Dear Mr. President.......

sorry for the lack of posts .....

got back from holidays and have not felt well since. I am over stressed and today is not much better. I hear this morning that one of my mom's close friends had had a son injured seriously in Kandahar. He lost both his legs (but thankfully not his life) in a roadside explosion. 5 others were injured.


I hate this war. I hate that we are even participating in this illegal war.
I feel sick right now.
How many more have to die or have life altering injuries before this has to stop.


oh yeah and there was a murder(?) down the street from my parents last night.
Any one have a valium prescription they want to share?

Hourayyyy!!!

I am a proud pseudo-auntie !

Chloe Adele Fisher made her debut on June 10th weighing 7lbs 6 oz.

Check her out in action here


Congratulations Brooke & Julian. We love you !
I can't wait to see her!!!!!!

Out of the mouths of babes......

reading things like this makes me rethink the whole having kids thing

Oh Happy Day.........

I am on holidays in t-minus 6 hrs.

YAY !!!!!!

Hopefully I will post up some pics on flickr of my farming adventures !!!

I will be MIA for the next week. Not that anyone reads this crap. :)

My own blood is much too dangerous.....

More love for Neko, this time on CNN

Check it out here

I.....

- am suddenly very afraid of storms
- am on holidays as of friday
- am kind of weirded out that today is 6/6/06
- killed a cricket with a broom last night and it came back to life and is now MIA
- am married to a guy that is covered in poison ivy....AGAIN
- am married to a guy that stayed out late last night, but brought me maple walnut ice cream.
- wish my baby could have a soother like this but my kid will probably just get a rock to suck on.
- haven't seen my two best friends in months.
- am going to the farm on friday and going quading !!!!
- am having Casa Grande pizza for lunch today ...yay!!
- am suddenly a celebrity gossip sucker! All thanks to Heather and her love of PerezHilton
- miss Vanessa....lots.
- lost interest in this 4 minutes ago.
- hope my girly insides are working...... go ovaries.
- am going to stop now.

Quoting

"On the same web forum, it was suggested that Nouvel may be Brad Pitt's tribute to French architect Jean Nouvel, which solves, or at least skirts, the grammatical issue. In any case, names needn't conform to foreign orthographic strictures. Brad and Angelina can call their baby whatever they want, although if they'd chosen France Fat Racist Whore of Nation States Jolie-Pitt, they might have had a little difficulty checking into the Ritz. How would you translate that, just out of interest?"

-Tim Dowling
The Guardian


Hilarious......poor Brad and Angie

Big Red

"Ian was over at Manon's place on the weekend. He stayed over cause he had been drinking, although she had been spiking everyone's drinks with grenadine. She likes grenadine."

"Ian stayed over cause he was drinking grenadine?"

"No, she was drinking grenadine. He asked her if she thought she was a hummingbird"

Countdown to Neko

Any one up for a disgusting giraffe story, turn up the speaks and let er rip.....

Check it out here


god i can't wait for her to come to the Festival. I am so psyched.

It rains and pours

Please know that I am happy for you
and wish you all my best
but that I hide away at home
with my sickness and jealously
in guard of my heart
in protection of my good humor
in dealing
and maintenance of my already
hurt feelings
for something I can’t have
right now
or at all

Suffering from Kitchen Sink

After almost having a complete breakdown in the copy department today at work, (after picking up the 100th copy paper ream packaging just causally left on the table, knowing fully well that I would come and clean up after them) I booked a week of holidays.

I didn't care when they would be, didn't care if I was going anywhere but I had to book them.

When a copy paper ream packaging makes the tears well up, it's time to go.

On a further note, I read an article on Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (which I have) today that was scary/amusing. My favorite part is the "classic symptoms" which all but include the kitchen sink.
They are as follows:

drastic weight gain, hair loss, depression, fatigue, thyroid problems, high cholesterol, panic attacks, headaches, dizzy spells, poor memory or muddled mind, sleeping disorders, constant thirst, extreme cravings, insulin resistance, cystic acne, cystic ovaries, menstrual cycles without ovulation, irregular cycles, severe mood swings, high testosterone levels, infertility problems, excess facial and body hair, not to mention a seven times greater risk than an average woman for four major health concerns affecting women in the United States today including heart disease, diabetes, endometrial cancer and stroke.

And all this time I thought I was a hypochondriac !!!

Listening:

"Why do you even say that, say we'll meet somewhere?
You hardly ever show up, you don't really care.
So why do you even say that, say you got time for me?
You talk but you don't walk, busy as a bee.
I don't think you're all that happy, honey baby, with your thing,
But I ain't some fish you caught, can't keep me on a string.
You say you really love me, then you're gone in seconds flat,
Say you really want me, why do you even say that?
Why do you even say that? Why do you even say that?"

It's the end of the world as we know it.....

I hate you Mischa Barton.

You've ruined my "OC and Thursday Anola Stripper Night" for the rest of my life.

Evil Evil Mischa Barton......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Not so secretive crushes.....

Call me hormonal (I blame it on the drugs) however the following dudes have turned my crank (and some harder than others) in the last few weeks:


Patrick Dempsey (AKA: Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy) Maybe cause he's hot, maybe cause he's generally an asshole, or cause he's a married guy, I'm not sure. But he's all that and a bag of skittles. He's a new addition to "the list".


Taylor Hicks from American Idol: He can sing, He's funny and has this endearing Dave Matthews/Steve Winwood thing. I'm lame but I can fully admit it.


Xavier Rudd. He's hot, he plays instruments, always generally barefoot and is a super nice guy. Too bad his freaking show here is sold out...WHAAAAAAAAAA


Time for a cold shower.....

ps: My husband is fully aware and these crushes are fully within our "agreement" besides, he wants to keep Katharine McPhee from American Idol in our garage as a pet.
Wait.....does that sound creepy? Cause I think she's hot too.
I've said too much.

"We'll all stay skinny cause we just don't eat..."

Haven't felt much like blogging lately.
Missed work Monday cause I had such a horrible stomach ache Sunday and felt like I had been run over by a bus repeatedly on Monday. Now today, I am blessed with not only super-inhuman indigestion but super-double-ungodly cramps.

I don't know how you normal girls do this every month.


I HATE BEING A GIRL.

Why I love Kenny.

Email Received from Kenny (still in Thailand till tonight)



"Hey girl, so what you got going on tomorrow? Having some beers at my place
around 8:30. Are you going quading tomorrow you skank? "

Operation Reconnect

Danny and I are planning a quick Saturday trip to the Whiteshell this weekend.
Which is a welcome relief from my cabin fever, his hatred of the city and a slight bit of depression I am trying to manage. (It’s hard to like a body that doesn’t work like it should.) Hopefully the rain will hold out or not drown us when we are there. We are planning on having lunch out there and walk a few trails and gather some rocks for our garden. We are in such need of this trip. All the medications, appointments, meetings, illness and constant fighting make it hard to remember the good things and why we are together. Things become habitual, and stale and I know what that leads to. So wish me good weather and good luck.
I’m excited; it’s almost like an anniversary (but I wouldn’t know cause I never got one :)


“So that's why I never come back here
That's why they spit out my name
Your ex's have clawed up the bible
Trying to keep me away
With the sledge of tectonic fever
The needle has landed again
Let it play”

Song of "my" day

"Badass" by Kacy Crowley

"I was the runt of the litter
I was a weakling
I was the last to discover
I was the ugly duckling

We're all the same on the inside
but we're always up against everybody's outside
And its hard to live up to a strangers beautiful
Some people always finish last
Still I ended up a Badass"

You know it's a good day when:

-You get into a fight with a cab driver who thought that you shouldn't have blocked his way and get out and starts yelling at you. Then you refuse to roll down your window and give him the peace sign and tell him to "chill" all cause you didn't feel like backing up and letting him through. I am mean like that sometimes.

-We get ice cream at work today

-It's Cinco de Mayo

-It's International No Pants Day


Don't catch a chill folks!!!

Me=Homewrecker

(stolen from the Heather)

1. My roommate once: threw a plate of steak bones up into my room in an attempt to get me and Dan to move out.
2. Never in my life: have I done heroin
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then always manages to make me smile: My husband (more nuts than smiling though these days)
4. High School was: a blur, I was never there.
5. When I'm nervous: pick at my nails, get stomach aches
6. The last time I cried: last week some time
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids would be: I'm pleading the 5th.
8: I like salad: a LOT
9. My hair: is in desperate need of a cut and color.
10. When I was 5: I wore "skorts" to school so I could play on the playground and still look like a girl.
11. Last Christmas: I celebrated it at my house with ma, pa and Ian oh and Danny too.
12. When I turn my head left, I see: my Martin Brodeur Figure and a file stand.
13. I should be: at home because I have the worst migrane.
14. When I look down I see: work contact sheet, a keyboard and a mouse, and my broken i-pod headphones.
15. The craziest local recent event was: a stabbing of a guy down the street from work. Crackers jumped out of a brand new white escalade started a fist fight with this guy and then the third guy stabs him and takes off. Crazy.
16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: Rachel with a hint of Monica's OCD.
17. By this time next year: I better be pregnant.
18. Current Relationship Status: mostly happily married.
19. I had a hard time understanding: selfish people and Tom Cruise.
20. At family gatherings I: help out the aunties make the food.(my side of course)
21. You know I "like" you if: I bug you.
22. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank is: James Gandolfini
23. Take my advice: listen to me. I am ALWAYS right. (thanks Heather)
24. My ideal breakfast is: Blueberry Pancakes from Sals and an apple juice.
25. If you visit a place I grew up: I'd take you for gelati.
26. Where don't you plan to visit anytime soon: Moose Jaw, SK. Just cause I said so.
27. If you spend the night at my house: you might have to sleep on the couch. We destroyed the spare bedroom.
28. I'd stop my wedding if: my fiancee's relatives were being selfish, most of my bridesmaids were being jerks, my groomsmen were useless.....OH WAIT.
29. The world could do without: Paris Hilton, professional wrestling, peas, any terminal incurable illness
30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: Carrot-top, or a specific abusive ex of mine, again.
31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: cookies from Cookie By George. "Hello Diet, this is Mindy"
32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: My dad bought me Sun-Maid Raisins and arrowroot Animal Crackers. (He's really craving a grandchild)
33. My favorite blonde is: the chick that played Helen in Troy.
34. My favorite brunette is: Colin Farrell
35. Uh....what happened?: He smiled, I melted and dammit I married him.
36. The last time I was drunk was: my boss' 40th birthday party, which I planned. (I planned, I drank, I blew it out hard and called my ex and his wife found out:)
37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: pigs (good call heather)
38. I shouldn't have been: such a tease.
39. Once, at a bar: on my birthday, I made out with some random guy ( who was friend's with Vanessa's brother Dom. He couldn't stand up and neither could I, but he had me convinced to go home with him, and that he could manage to drive. I was totally there until Vanessa grabbed me and put me in the car and drove me home. The next weekend this same random guy came up to me and I had NO idea who he was.
40. Last night I: watched "The Day After Tomorrow" with Danny (we'd already seen it but I love the special effects and the piss poor acting, sue me)
41. There's this girl I know who: 's boyfriend I probably slept with.
42. I don't know how to: play guitar, paint or draw faces,
43. A better name for me would be: Angelina Jolie
44. If I ever go back to school I'll: be stressing out like a crazy mo-fo
45. How many days until my birthday?: 3 months and 2 days

Congrats!

Congratulations to Jasmine and Dwayne!!!

Jasmine delivered a healthy baby boy this morning at 5:10 am. Spencer Hugh Meikle and mom are doing fine.


Yay for babies!!

Sound Stage

Warming sun
in market square
wander aimless
and with content
and rememberance
of being young
and full of
anthusiasm and confidence
free flowing music
all around me
and Moses Mayes
on stage
his hand in mine
squeezing with
eager anticipation
of what was to come
I couldn't know
this would
be the last
and the changes
that would blow in
and around us

1 Year of blogging

It occurred to me this morning that it has been 1 year exactly since I started blogging.
Although I am not the witty, hip, trendy blogger I aspired to be, I am finding it easier to express myself through my writing, photography and poetry. Although I am still a long way off from this
I am still exploring ways to connect with people and use this blog as a therapeutic tool for myself. I am still not sure how to classify this blog, I call it a "personal blog" and when I write I generally use it as a journal to remember the smaller details of my life and my marriage that may be overlooked. I probably break all the "blogger etiquette" rules and have very few readers, (not some how related to me)but I still enjoy it the same, if not more as I did when I started.

My current blogger idols (as horribly cheesy as it sounds) or people who have or continue to inspire me:

-Vanessa a.k.a Van-Nasty : It never occurred to me that people and friends I knew had blogs or what they used them for. Vaness introduced me to blogging and has always encouraged my sorry ass.

-Heather a.k.a Explosive Laughter: This girl oozes talent. Her photography is awesome and she is very inter-web intelligent. Is she can teach me, that says something. And she had a photo-session in a bathtub. A girl after my very own heart.

-Heather Armstrong a.k.a Dooce : So incredibly gifted and talented. I would kill for her writing style and photography skills and her gorgeous babe Leta

My interest in blogging has evolved into a new greater interest in photography and a new and fresh interest in creative writing which began hibernation when I moved out of my parents house. Hooray for creativity !!!
Here's to many more years of blogging and airing dirty laundry on the internet. :)

Good Things

-Large Mochas from Tim Horton's
-Last nights episode of The OC
-Spring Rain
-The stripper last night at Anola bar that had everyone laughing with her and not at her
-Seeing Lesley after a long time
-My crew from Folk Fest all coming back (with the exception of Danielle :(
-My husbands good humour in the morning
-My interest in hockey coming back
-Excited about planting flowers and vegetables this weekend
-Spring Cleaning
-"Hold On, Hold On" from Neko Case

It's friday ...... houray!!

Binding Ties

you feel the need to
constantly put him down
and bring up the past
and pass it around
like a virus
not one visit
without a mention
of a binge
or destruction
or items stolen
or destroyed
not willing
to move on
and let sleeping
dogs
sleep
and not rise them

this soured relationship
strained with your
stubbornness
makes me wonder
what could be
and what could have been
and crave something
so different from what is

a family of many
all with this bitter pill
and he is so numb
but I am not
and refuse to be

if you all only knew
that I was the lucky one
maybe I should make it a point
of reminding you all
of the truth
that he came in time to save me
that he is happiness and joy
and truth and light
that shines on me everyday
that his past is far gone
just like mine

Material Grrrl

Dear God,

My life rules right now. I am happy and have a great husband a nice house and everything is great. However, if you really want to knock my socks off you could help me in the following departments:


-bring me a baby {preferably via the ("the" as in "mine") womb}
-bring me a 20' iMac
-bring me a Nikon D70

I promise I will be polite and very nice. For real this time I swear. Even at you-know-who's social this weekend, where I know it will almost kill me.


Your Friend,

Minndola

Tough Love

When something you love
gives you a stomach ache
and makes you feel like
if you could just cry about it
you would feel better and get
on and move on

do you still love it?

Me likey free music !!

"Driving home I see those flooded fields
How can people not know what beauty this is
I've taken it for granted my whole life
Since the day I was born"


Check out this great site to get a free Neko Case/Martha Wainwright concert. I downloaded it as a prelude to my first Neko Case experience in July.
Many peed pants to be expected.

Dear Lurkers,

I never understood the bitterness towards lurkers by other bloggers but when you blog for a year and get 5 comments ( thanks Vaness, thanks Heather) you have to ask yourself one thing.


Where are the ever-loving comments?????


For the first 5 comments you will recieve a copy of the boob shot that is floating around telus' text messaging system at this very moment. Which may or not be of my own boobs. Drunken boobs. Too many "dirty hooker boobs". Boobs that Marcel has probably shown to every god forsaken Fireman in the City of Winnipeg.

Once again prooving: camera's and alcohol don't mix.


thanks lurking lurkers

MJ.

Obviously I am not crazy

Apparently there is one other person in the world that thinks Champagne Colored Bridesmaid Dresses are perfectly acceptable and quite stunning.

Life ain't very easy, when you've got a permanent broken heart

Weekly recap, (who ever thought my life would be so busy!!!)

- Finished living room (pics coming soon)
- Spent 10 hrs at the hospital with my dad on tuesday. He went in with a suspected heart attack. He was in agony, and I was completely panicked (the last time I was in the hospital was with my dying grandmothers) He's at home now but it was a scary couple of days. Another reason for my hysteria was that my Uncle Billy went to St. Boniface Hospital a day earlier for more test on his heart and a stress test for his angina. I thought we'd earned a 2-for-1 special. However, they did not agree.
-Started (finally!!) on the fertility drugs. Please cross your finger and toes (and what ever other body parts you can cross) for Dan and I over then next few weeks.
-Taking my favourite niece and nephew out for supper tonight. I'll Flickr the cuteness from the restaurant.
- I start Guitar Lessons on Tuesday. I am so excited, just may pee my pants, for real this time. Hopefully I can learn a chord before folk fest.

Quoting

"I had one friend in high school recently he hung himself with string
His note said
'If livin' is the problem, well that's just baffling.'
And at the wake I waited around to see my ex first love
And I barely recognized her, but I knew exactly what she was thinking of
We sat quietly in the corner whispering close about loss
And I remembered why I loved her, and I asked her why I drove her off
She said
The slow fade of love
Its soft edge might cut you
And our poor friend, Jim
Well he just lived within
The slow fade of love"

Proof in Pictures

hey check out my new pics on flickr.

Proof again that alcohol and camera's should never mix. At least when I am around.

Blankets lie so still

a part of growing up i guess
people and friends
packing up and moving along
lost touch
even though we were close
and bugged each other
all the time back then

you left us now
and i feel guilty for
yours and everyone else's
abandoned friendship
caused by me
and such laziness
maybe if we kept it up
you wouldn't have left us

i can't imagine what was so
bad that you were left with
this as your only choice
such desperation
i feel bad you had no one
to confide in

and i worry now
about everyone that
was important in my life
at one time
whether a minute or a year
i never want them to
feel so alone

i'm sorry derek that i never
stuck around
i'm sorry
that there was no one to stop you
i'm sorry

Porn when I'm tired of sleeping....Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn

Nothing better on a thursday night than cereal for supper
sanding poly-filla on the walls and watching the O.C

Which by the way was fan-friggin-tastic, and very much better than porn at the moment.

I think Marissa and I were seperated at birth, minus the face that I am 5 years older, 100 lbs heavier and I have no fashion sense.

But the alchohol consumption and poor judgement with regards to boys is dead on !

(present husband company excluded of course)

In Memory.....

In memory of my Folk Fest Crew's favourite bus driver and mine.

Rest in Peace Tony, we'll miss ya.

Good Point

"From the well of their hearts spring the poison
That mixed with suspicion and reckless derision
And something they read on a church toilet stall
They think that their lives are much better
Than mine on the soapbox and ladders stand tall"

Blood Pressure 270 over 900

So stressed....

Before Saturday I have to plaster repair my entire living room, sand and primer.

I haven't had a good, full 8 hr night sleep in almost 2 weeks.

Almost got in an accident twice this morning.

Dan still isn't home and it's making me crazy. I have a really bad habit of thinking about things too much. Which would be expected since I have a 2-40 minute commutes per day and an evening in a house all by myself every night. It's not that I am scared to be home alone, but it is very unnerving sometimes.


Oh and the Season Premiere of Dog the Bounty Hunter was on last night and I missed it.

Son-of-a ......

Dear Drunk Guy,

Who was at the Oakbank Bar on Friday night. Although I was flattered you thought I was so attractive, I didn't appreciate the fact you spilled beer on my purse and jacket and kept touching my cheeks. Didn't you learn about personal space back when you were in school in 1902? Your acapella version of "Hollaback Girl" and "500 Miles" were very amusing, but not enough to make me follow you with my friend Heather back to your place for a party, although thanks for the offer. Oh and by the way, I phoned my husband and told him what you asked me to tell him, and he says "that he knows how lucky he is"
and Heather thanks you for saying that she was "reasonably attractive and has shitload lot of baggage" Your wife must be a very lucky woman.

Yours Sincerely,

The Girl with the Cheeks.

Black and Blue

I bit the bullet and went for my second "traditional" massage yesterday after work.
Although it felt good at the time, and not any where near as awkward and self-conscious as I anticipated, at this moment, I feel as though I was beaten to a vicious bloody pulp the night previous. My pecs and shoulder blades are tender in a way that is not normal, even in painful sort of way. I move and I creak and crack. I straighten up in my chair and creak and groan and crack. She warned me, but I didn't believe her.
My only advice is to definitley take a trip to "Pee-Town" before the session next time (dummy!) Holding it in for an hour whilst being kneaded to a doughy blob is not healthy or smart (according to Kramer)

I get more redneck by the minute I swear.

Ohhhh St. Patty

"Well all week long I'm a real nobody,
But I just punched out and it's paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
I'm going to get drunk and be somebody"

My Secret

is that i have had a 10 year long relationship with a woman
not without some bumps along the way
but yet with beautiful moments
like that time at Folk Fest, with the moths swarming
and I was beside the stage and beside myself with happiness.

this relationship started with a crush on a boy
the first boy i ever slept with in a bed with overnight
our toes barely touching
listening to joyful girl
and i could barely breathe

slowly but carefully i bought everything she had created
and loved them like children
but the discs overplayed
and the boots came from across country
with love from others who loved her too

she was the reason i applied to volunteer at Folk Fest
i had no money to buy a ticket
and this would be the first time i saw her in life
and i fell in love all over again
like i had never before

10 years
with ups and downs
those years when you weren't alone
and i would have rather to have you
all to myself

10 years,
3 concerts
17 albums
and i still love everyone
except "overlap" that i still can't bring myself
to listen to

this is the longest relationship
i have ever experienced
so unselfish
so fulfilling
so beautiful
and all my own


happy 10 years! to a woman that could write a song that says "you can't will yourself happy, you can't will your cunt wet. you can't keep standing at the station, pretending your being met" and have it sound so poetic and chillingly beautiful.

Some Days

and there is some days
i feel all alone
and forget what we
are working towards

and there is some days
when i feel sick
cause you aren't around
and the phone just
can't comfort this

and there is some days
when i am tired of
being the "man of the house"
tired of fixing and hanging on

some days, i feel like giving up
like our dreams won't happen
and we aren't on the same page
i just don't know how to fix it

and there are some days
that it hurts to miss you
and some days i'm reminded
of the good it will bring

there are some days
i'd love a little comfort
love a little less fear
love a little happiness
i'd love a little you

It's Succeeding

My body is trying to kill me.



ARGHHHHHH

Romance Recap

Everytime Danny comes home, after being away 4 or 5 weeks I feel like I have been put in a blender and pureed on high.

Between visiting, partying, renovating, insulating, plumbing, cleaning, there is very little "us" time.
I did however manage to surprise him with a very nice hotel surprise on his last night in town. I strung him along like a little puppy and he took the bait. Even when he was walking into the hotel room, he still thought I was attending a course for work and he needed to help me carry some stuff out to the car. His face was worth the price of the hotel.Planning a surprise is remarkably stressful however, and I barely made it through the 5 days without spilling the beans.

It all worked out and was really fun, especially the jacuzzi tub that was directly facing the t.v (with Food TV on it of course.) I am such a food geek.

Have not heard from you in weeks and I can guess why.

"course you're the kind of guy who doesn't lie
he just doctors everything
who chooses some unassuming finger
and quietly moves his wedding ring
who rewrites his autobiography for any pretty girl who will sing
but you can't fool the queen baby
'cause i married the king"

Name Game

should i change the name of this blog?

GO GUSHUE !!!!!

Email from Erik concerning a certain friend of ours "outing himself"

"(Certain Friend)DID come out of the closet!! I can't believe you
have not heard! It's official now!

We are so happy for him. I wish I could date him, I'd
give him a tender man hug.......

I'd "Brokeback" his "Mountain" anyday!!!"



that is some serious funny shit.

Black Wednesday....

It's a sad day baby, but I still love you

and I just can't hide it....

Ever have one of those days, when you felt excited but you weren't sure why? Today is definitely one of them. Maybe it's because Danny is coming home in a week, or because the Canadian Men's Curling team made it to the playoffs in Torino, or cause I am getting work done at home renovating my living room, or because I feel motivated this week. I am not sure, but I like it.

dammit

Tickets available for Death Cab = couple thousand
Chances of Mindy getting tickets = 1 million to 1


*&^*&%(*&^)*(^)(*^)%^)*&%(*
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Serophene

empty like never before
held in a pause
waiting to harbor
and then expel
a new begining
a new chance
a new hope
in a mass of cells and breath

seeing them
stirs up dust
and creates a bitter me
for I am empty
and they are not

Best part of my day

Driving down Highway 501 this morning at dawn with the snow lightly falling. Listening to the old ipod when "Fast Train" by Neko Case comes on, and just as I round the corner past a ridge of trees, and just as I hear Neko sing "Fast train, where do your passengers wait?" a train appears out of the ridge of snow-capped trees.
So Beautiful.... it gave me goosebumps.

My advice to the world today…

1. See “The Constant Gardener”. It’s been so long since I have seen such an inspiring movie. Rent It, Buy it, or borrow it. Whatever, but do see it.

2. Leave James Frey alone. I am 3/4 of the way through “A Million Little Pieces” and I haven't been able to put it down, truth or semi-truth. I paid $11.25 for it at Costco. I am, by no means, deceived, disappointed. How many times have you ever embellished a story you told your buddies. We should be thankful this guy isn’t as fucked up as he says. I’m relieved, and so Oprah and everyone else should calm the fuck down. People with glass houses should not throw stones.

3. Be happy and love each other.
4. Make delicious food.
5. Smile.
6. Make a new friend. I have made 4 in the last 3 weeks. And I love them….. you know who you are!!!

Happy 1000 Blog!

1000 hits, and I didn't even post any internet boobie shots!

I know they are mostly hits from my cousins and a few friends but who cares!
I've inspired a whole new crew of bloggers.... I love my cousins!

ps. Happy Birthday Danny..... I love you you big freaking redneck! I am so glad we are together for your big ol birthday!

Reasons to be happy today

1. I have conquered my fear of Winter driving.


2. Danny is flying home today.

3. My quad is getting fixed and we are going riding soon.

4. The sun is shining and it's -1 today in Winnipeg.

Oh happy day!

Lord it's hard to be a blowout..........

What do you get when you mix.....

1 saturday night
1 sassy outfit
10 perogies
2 polkas
1 heel toe
18 year old boys
1 gallon of whiskey
and a 4:45 am bedtime ?

a fricken long ride home and hangover Monday......

Coudn't have said it better myself......

"And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy"

Party for Danny

Party at Anola Bar January 26th.

Dan will be at home and eager for beer and boobs on the 26th.
He'd love to see the gang.

Hope to see you guys there.

I'll be there with bells on, of course. This time I planned ahead, I booked friday off so there will be no sleeping in and puking all day at work.

I rule.

Kids

Debauchery
although innocent
brings up old thoughts
and swirls emotions
till I am twisted
beyond my own
recognition


4 people
brought together
and then pulled
apart like cotton
candy
a sticky sweet reminder
of what used to be
but what it too far gone

Hostel This! .....

You know what sucks?

When you go to a scary movie, eagerly anticipating, jumping and squealing with fright girls grabbing their date by the arm scary goodness and you get to the movie and it's basically soft core porn and tons of corn-syrup-fake-blood-Tarantino gore.

I am so disappointed.

numb is an old hat

"I am out here studying stones
Trying to learn to be less alive
Using all of my will
To keep very still
Still even on the inside
I've cut all of the pertinent wires
So my eyes can't make that connection
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
When I'm looking in your direction"

Merry Christmas.........

To all the people......

-I neglectfully forgot to give Christmas cards to
-All the people I had cards for and they are sitting in my car right now
-All the people I won't/don't get to see at Christmas
-All the people I couldn't afford to get a gift for
-All the people that helped me out, lifted me up, and was there for me and put a smile on my face
-All the people that I have been friends with and stuck with me for years
.... Merry Christmas and Love and Hugs to all of you.
You mean more to me than I can ever tell you.

Here's to a new year and a new start.

I know were cool.....

This is for my buddy who's birthday it is today..
Happy Birthday Darlin.....all the best. Oh and Merry Christmas too, we'll have a bevie or two in the new year..... xxoo
********************************************************************************


It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

things I hope don't happen tonight at my work Christmas party.....

-Do not let my husband blurt out anything redneck about the $150 bottle of Penfolds wine with dinner "Is this as good as 'Strawberry Angel'?"

-Do not let my face look fat in any pictures my boss's wife may take of me.

-Do not let my husband un-do his pants half way through dinner and say anything about any bodily function so that anyone else may hear.

*reminder....next year hire escort for Christmas party..



14 oz steak and creme brulee here I come....

Show me the money....

Fiction:
Blissful nights, in snowcapped homes sipping rum and eggnog whilst cuddling near the fire. Lovingly gazing at the sparkling perfectly trimmed tree and the presents beneath spilling out across the floor.


Fact:
Cold and freezing in your home that you bought but forgot to check if it was insulated. It wasn't. The woodstove is in the garage, because you can't afford to install it, so you use your trusty Black&Decker space heater and your baseheaters which sucks up $350 bucks a month in hydro. You have no tree because you spent your last $20 bucks this morning on gas to get to work and $7.25 parking. You spent all your Christmas money on presents for people you know will never get you anything and ran out of money for your immediate family. You can only be in the same room as your husband for no longer than 6 minutes before money fighting begins. You put your kidney and your liver up on E-Bay in hopes you will have enough money to renew your car insurance, and you train your dogs to pull you to work in a sleigh.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Dedicated to the ones I love....

Truly one of my favourite songs. I think of all my friends and how each of them save my life, everyday.


"In the beginning my love was fierce
One heart stopped and another started
I flashed my eyes, cracked wise and left them dry
Now I sit with my babe at my breast
I was never this good at my best
Never higher
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
I spy with my third eye
Something volatile and vital
So say goodnight, sleep tight, don't let them bite
Now I stand with the wind at my back
Every day brings a new breed of jackass
I was never good at monkey-in-the-middle
Never a fighter
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind "

(lyrics by t.donnelly)