numb is an old hat

"I am out here studying stones
Trying to learn to be less alive
Using all of my will
To keep very still
Still even on the inside
I've cut all of the pertinent wires
So my eyes can't make that connection
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
When I'm looking in your direction"

Merry Christmas.........

To all the people......

-I neglectfully forgot to give Christmas cards to
-All the people I had cards for and they are sitting in my car right now
-All the people I won't/don't get to see at Christmas
-All the people I couldn't afford to get a gift for
-All the people that helped me out, lifted me up, and was there for me and put a smile on my face
-All the people that I have been friends with and stuck with me for years
.... Merry Christmas and Love and Hugs to all of you.
You mean more to me than I can ever tell you.

Here's to a new year and a new start.

I know were cool.....

This is for my buddy who's birthday it is today..
Happy Birthday Darlin.....all the best. Oh and Merry Christmas too, we'll have a bevie or two in the new year..... xxoo
********************************************************************************


It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

things I hope don't happen tonight at my work Christmas party.....

-Do not let my husband blurt out anything redneck about the $150 bottle of Penfolds wine with dinner "Is this as good as 'Strawberry Angel'?"

-Do not let my face look fat in any pictures my boss's wife may take of me.

-Do not let my husband un-do his pants half way through dinner and say anything about any bodily function so that anyone else may hear.

*reminder....next year hire escort for Christmas party..



14 oz steak and creme brulee here I come....

Show me the money....

Fiction:
Blissful nights, in snowcapped homes sipping rum and eggnog whilst cuddling near the fire. Lovingly gazing at the sparkling perfectly trimmed tree and the presents beneath spilling out across the floor.


Fact:
Cold and freezing in your home that you bought but forgot to check if it was insulated. It wasn't. The woodstove is in the garage, because you can't afford to install it, so you use your trusty Black&Decker space heater and your baseheaters which sucks up $350 bucks a month in hydro. You have no tree because you spent your last $20 bucks this morning on gas to get to work and $7.25 parking. You spent all your Christmas money on presents for people you know will never get you anything and ran out of money for your immediate family. You can only be in the same room as your husband for no longer than 6 minutes before money fighting begins. You put your kidney and your liver up on E-Bay in hopes you will have enough money to renew your car insurance, and you train your dogs to pull you to work in a sleigh.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Dedicated to the ones I love....

Truly one of my favourite songs. I think of all my friends and how each of them save my life, everyday.


"In the beginning my love was fierce
One heart stopped and another started
I flashed my eyes, cracked wise and left them dry
Now I sit with my babe at my breast
I was never this good at my best
Never higher
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
I spy with my third eye
Something volatile and vital
So say goodnight, sleep tight, don't let them bite
Now I stand with the wind at my back
Every day brings a new breed of jackass
I was never good at monkey-in-the-middle
Never a fighter
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind "

(lyrics by t.donnelly)

Things I have been up to....

...what I have been up to since I am now on holidays and enjoying the good life.....Or at least the lazy life!

-Went to the Gwen Stefani concert last week. This was my second "big" arena concert this fall. Pretty exciting. And Row 9 floor seats aren't too shabby either. And if you ask me how the concert was I will respond simply: Gwen Stefani is friggin hot.


-Went quading last weekend with Rob, Kenny, Les, Laurie (with Dan) and had a blast. We blew it out hardcore on Friday night (just the guys and I), woke up the next morning had breakfast, fought over the correct term for cooking an egg in toast( we say hole in egg)and the nerds say "egg in a nest". The girls came over and then we went on our way. Found some cool trails that I had never been down before. The girls had to be back for 3:30 so we had a quick lunch on the trail, Dan lit Kenny on fire, Laurie stalled Rob's rented quad, and we bolted home to get them there on time. Once they left we warmed up for a bit and then took off again (just the 4 of us)We had to be wary of the hunters out in full force. We hit some major trails, got pretty stuck along the powerlines, Kenny killed his quad and almost himself in this huge hole and then at 8 we headed home. Half frozen, bruised up and hungry we went to Richer for dinner at my new favorite restaurant "The Timberline" and then barely made it home and dragged our asses to bed.
What a weekend!!!

-And now I am on holidays (if you can call them that, when I am staying at home and cleaning the house and baking!!!)
Oh well a little rest is just what I needed!

ps. Hunters who leave dead deer carcasses on the trails are assholes!!!

Let it snow, let it mothertrucking snow

Holy crap. It's November 16th and I've had my first "snow day" of the year. I have a long way to go, this is not looking good.
Yesterday, (with Dan away) I woke up early, packed my shovel and my snowpants, put on my boots and headed out into the bloody artic. I had a slight bit of difficulty pulling out of the driveway, sloshing and skidding, but pulled out of it and then just about ended up in the ditch. Again, I recover. I meander down our road, going slow, fishtailing all down the road. Highway 501 was worse. Ruts 2 ft deep, and sheer ice beneath. I made it to the second driveway and decided a days pay was not worth my life. I turn around with my heart racing, palms sweaty heading home and return to my yard sliding sideways down my driveway almost hitting the garage.
I get out, cursing the snow, the wind and everything in between, and walk into my house exasperated and pour myself a drink. It's going to be a long winter.

it's so mundane, it sure don't stimulate my brain

I apologize profusely for the lack of posts recently. I haven’t been feeling very inspired lately. Much of the same, everything is so routine…. It’s hard to write when the same thing happens everyday. However, I will try harder.

And hopefully Santa will bring me my Nikon digi-cam for Christmas to light a match under my butt!

I ain't no high class broad....

I hate working in the city.
I hate commuting to the city.



I want to move to Winnipegosis.

I am sad.

I have seen you in your sweaters, in the late night sun at Winnipeg

Embers crackling
in random piles
while
leaves pull balancing acts
on the chilled wind
of November
Jack'o'lanters abandonned
to sink and collapse
into the cold ground
far away from fresh cut
cords of wood
to keep us warm through winter.
The fog lays like blankets
layered
on the road
surrounding the deer
feeding in fields
That harvest moon
glows more brightly
than Autumn's before.

Halloween Quote

"They shouldn't actually call it Halloween, it's more like slut-o-ween
a few eyeliner whiskers and headband for a skirt and no underwear is not a costume"

Actual Quote

"I don't do much, but I do lots!"

Dan Joss
October 25th, 2005

Pieces

After reading Heather's blog all these month's, I continue to admire her for her ability to write without being hindered by worries of consequences. I don't think I am so lucky. Part of me wishes that I could be more open about past relationships and life events. To open "the can of worms" and try and erase some of the bad feelings and get rid of that pain at the bottom of my stomach when his/their name is mentioned, or hen I am reminded of something that once happened to me. Maybe it would help to ease the jealousy and/or make me a better person. Yet, would it cause problems between myself and Dan?
As truly brutally honest as he has been, I have never opened myself up to him about my life before him, yet there are some things that I have never opened up to anyone. Is that ok? Does he need to know, do I need to go there? With him or with anyone? Some things are maybe better left in the past, but I can't help but wonder if he should know sometimes because these are events that have shaped the person that I am. I know that Dan pretends that he isn't very smart, because that is how he gets people to do things for him. I know that his mother's death was the most pivotal and earth shattering event of his life, and that is why nothing trivial affects him like it does me. I know and understand all his insecurities. I get him. I get him completely, but sometimes I am scared that he doesn't get me completely because there are pieces of my past that are missing to him.

"Neil says hi by the way
I don't believe you are leaving cause
Me and charles manson like the same ice cream
I think it's that girl
And I think there are pieces of me you have never seen
Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well"

Poor Bambi....

"Last night I dreamt
That I hit a deer with my car
Blood from his heart
Spilled out onto my dress and was warm
He begged me to follow
But legions of sorrow defied me"


now my car is in the MPI Insurance Compound, broken and busted.

Poor Car.

Poor me.


whaaaaaa.

All in a days work

Ahhh thanksgiving.
A weekend full of turkeys, pumpkin pies and pure over indulgence.
Mine was relatively tame, with my new found sobriety, a husband eager to work on the house (halleluia!!!) and visiting my parents on Sunday. Saturday was very busy for us in a ambitious way; we woke up early and headed off to Anola for breakfast with Willie and Angie at the hotel. From there we continued on to the city in search of home improvement items like plastic storm window covers, a new shower faucet to replace the vise grips currently operating mine, and a toilet repair kit. My my, I remember the good old days when I couldn't care less about home depot and certainly didn't get my heart a fluttering over bathroom faucets. Usually a night out with a hot guy, or a big bottle of Canadian club tickled my fancy, not anymore. I have never been so enthralled with catalogs as I have been since we bought our house. I spend countless hours, memorizing the newest Ikea catalog and marking pages in the Sears wishbook. Somebody help me!!!
Anyways, we went and got the Home Depot, Habitat, and such taken care of, we braved Superstore and then headed to Value Village on a search for large canning jars. I walked out with at least $40 of goodies. One other thing that I have noticed of late, is my new found enjoyment of Halloween and the prospect of "costuming" up. This coming from the girl who retired from trick or treating at age 9. I have always disliked Halloween but it seems I am finally getting over it.
I'm not even sure where we are going but we are going to dress up. I'll keep you posted on my decision and maybe post a pic or two on here of the Joss's all Halloweened' up....
After Value Village ( where we encountered a very intoxicated man being led through the store in handcuffs by another man who wasn't a cop ?!?!?!)We headed home and were due at a social for our friends Dave & Sharon in Transcona, however after a full day of running around, and rushing home to repair a toilet, clean the house, we passed out early.
Movies of note from the weekend were "Lords of Dogtown" and "Amityville Horror" I loved the first one and Dan almost peed himself because of the latter.

Boys are such wimps.

How have you been?

I will make myself scarce
I will make myself scarcely me
but I'll be outside your window at night
pull up your shades
leave on your light
I don't want to come in between
I just want to know
how have you been

Tearing Toronto a new asshole...

ok, so i have been MIA for a few weeks. this is a good thing people! this means i am not sitting at home bored waiting for dan to get home.

to recap the last few weeks

went back to the fert. doc. he said i need to lose more weight before our next steps..put me on two prescriptions and i go back in december....i totally chickened out and didn't say any of the things i said i was going to i just showed up there and i felt like my tongue was cemented to the floor. the little 90 lb doctor wins again.

went to toronto.....blew it out like only a blowout would. stayed in the hot westin harbour castle, went to richtree for lunch, checked out the hockey hall of fame went and had floor seats to the U2 concert at the acc....checked out the guvernment, ran into the ottawa senators (more specifically dany heatley)in the hotel lobby, slept in a heavenly bed, on heavenly sheets with heavenly pillows, had lunch at sightlines, enjoyed my first mlb baseball game, went back to pearson and flew home. sounds short and it was but there was a whole lot more that happened which was work related (which i am not prepared to write about for fear of the dooce

what's going on now you ask?
well other than trying to diet, only to be struck down by the evil buger king last night....(damn you evil jr. whopper!!!) i am trying to be crafty and therefore spend an unnecessary amount of money at michael's last night. which reminds me if anyone sees any large quart sealers with lids either in their basements, garage sales or at their grandma's please save them for me... i'm also on the look out for large decorative mirrors with a large frame. circle mirrors would be perfect. i'm going to give martha a run for her money!!

ps. listen to red right ankle from the decemberists i guess you could call that my song of the day or week or year.

later kids.

EMJAY

Congratulations

To Erik and Alana....they got engaged last weekend (finally !!) I am very excited to hear their plans. Erik has been one of my best friends since high school and Alana is so awesome...I love her and she's so perfect for Erik and makes him very happy... Congrats you guys!

also Congrats to Jasmine and Dwayne on their upcoming wedding and a little one coming in April. Jasmine is one of my oldest friends since I was in Nursery School and we walked to school together. Although I haven't had an opportunity to get to know Dwayne very well (which is silly....we live 7 miles from each other!!) I hope we'll become as good of friends as Jasmine and I have always been. Congratulations!! I can't wait to be an Auntie!!!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well

Honestly ...... Nausea is a form of torture
"No, I am NOT pregnant"
How do I know? it's called a pregnancy test, and I used one last night.

I am feeling crappy 2 days before leave for Toronto....grrrrrrrrrrr

If I wasn't so sick I would just jump on the floor, lay down and deliver the best tantrum I know how to.