numb is an old hat

"I am out here studying stones
Trying to learn to be less alive
Using all of my will
To keep very still
Still even on the inside
I've cut all of the pertinent wires
So my eyes can't make that connection
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
When I'm looking in your direction"

Merry Christmas.........

To all the people......

-I neglectfully forgot to give Christmas cards to
-All the people I had cards for and they are sitting in my car right now
-All the people I won't/don't get to see at Christmas
-All the people I couldn't afford to get a gift for
-All the people that helped me out, lifted me up, and was there for me and put a smile on my face
-All the people that I have been friends with and stuck with me for years
.... Merry Christmas and Love and Hugs to all of you.
You mean more to me than I can ever tell you.

Here's to a new year and a new start.

I know were cool.....

This is for my buddy who's birthday it is today..
Happy Birthday Darlin.....all the best. Oh and Merry Christmas too, we'll have a bevie or two in the new year..... xxoo
********************************************************************************


It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

things I hope don't happen tonight at my work Christmas party.....

-Do not let my husband blurt out anything redneck about the $150 bottle of Penfolds wine with dinner "Is this as good as 'Strawberry Angel'?"

-Do not let my face look fat in any pictures my boss's wife may take of me.

-Do not let my husband un-do his pants half way through dinner and say anything about any bodily function so that anyone else may hear.

*reminder....next year hire escort for Christmas party..



14 oz steak and creme brulee here I come....

Show me the money....

Fiction:
Blissful nights, in snowcapped homes sipping rum and eggnog whilst cuddling near the fire. Lovingly gazing at the sparkling perfectly trimmed tree and the presents beneath spilling out across the floor.


Fact:
Cold and freezing in your home that you bought but forgot to check if it was insulated. It wasn't. The woodstove is in the garage, because you can't afford to install it, so you use your trusty Black&Decker space heater and your baseheaters which sucks up $350 bucks a month in hydro. You have no tree because you spent your last $20 bucks this morning on gas to get to work and $7.25 parking. You spent all your Christmas money on presents for people you know will never get you anything and ran out of money for your immediate family. You can only be in the same room as your husband for no longer than 6 minutes before money fighting begins. You put your kidney and your liver up on E-Bay in hopes you will have enough money to renew your car insurance, and you train your dogs to pull you to work in a sleigh.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Dedicated to the ones I love....

Truly one of my favourite songs. I think of all my friends and how each of them save my life, everyday.


"In the beginning my love was fierce
One heart stopped and another started
I flashed my eyes, cracked wise and left them dry
Now I sit with my babe at my breast
I was never this good at my best
Never higher
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
I spy with my third eye
Something volatile and vital
So say goodnight, sleep tight, don't let them bite
Now I stand with the wind at my back
Every day brings a new breed of jackass
I was never good at monkey-in-the-middle
Never a fighter
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The wood was closing in, foggy was the night
The night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind
The moon was paper white the night you saved my life
When my spirit guide left me behind "

(lyrics by t.donnelly)

Things I have been up to....

...what I have been up to since I am now on holidays and enjoying the good life.....Or at least the lazy life!

-Went to the Gwen Stefani concert last week. This was my second "big" arena concert this fall. Pretty exciting. And Row 9 floor seats aren't too shabby either. And if you ask me how the concert was I will respond simply: Gwen Stefani is friggin hot.


-Went quading last weekend with Rob, Kenny, Les, Laurie (with Dan) and had a blast. We blew it out hardcore on Friday night (just the guys and I), woke up the next morning had breakfast, fought over the correct term for cooking an egg in toast( we say hole in egg)and the nerds say "egg in a nest". The girls came over and then we went on our way. Found some cool trails that I had never been down before. The girls had to be back for 3:30 so we had a quick lunch on the trail, Dan lit Kenny on fire, Laurie stalled Rob's rented quad, and we bolted home to get them there on time. Once they left we warmed up for a bit and then took off again (just the 4 of us)We had to be wary of the hunters out in full force. We hit some major trails, got pretty stuck along the powerlines, Kenny killed his quad and almost himself in this huge hole and then at 8 we headed home. Half frozen, bruised up and hungry we went to Richer for dinner at my new favorite restaurant "The Timberline" and then barely made it home and dragged our asses to bed.
What a weekend!!!

-And now I am on holidays (if you can call them that, when I am staying at home and cleaning the house and baking!!!)
Oh well a little rest is just what I needed!

ps. Hunters who leave dead deer carcasses on the trails are assholes!!!

Let it snow, let it mothertrucking snow

Holy crap. It's November 16th and I've had my first "snow day" of the year. I have a long way to go, this is not looking good.
Yesterday, (with Dan away) I woke up early, packed my shovel and my snowpants, put on my boots and headed out into the bloody artic. I had a slight bit of difficulty pulling out of the driveway, sloshing and skidding, but pulled out of it and then just about ended up in the ditch. Again, I recover. I meander down our road, going slow, fishtailing all down the road. Highway 501 was worse. Ruts 2 ft deep, and sheer ice beneath. I made it to the second driveway and decided a days pay was not worth my life. I turn around with my heart racing, palms sweaty heading home and return to my yard sliding sideways down my driveway almost hitting the garage.
I get out, cursing the snow, the wind and everything in between, and walk into my house exasperated and pour myself a drink. It's going to be a long winter.

it's so mundane, it sure don't stimulate my brain

I apologize profusely for the lack of posts recently. I haven’t been feeling very inspired lately. Much of the same, everything is so routine…. It’s hard to write when the same thing happens everyday. However, I will try harder.

And hopefully Santa will bring me my Nikon digi-cam for Christmas to light a match under my butt!

I ain't no high class broad....

I hate working in the city.
I hate commuting to the city.



I want to move to Winnipegosis.

I am sad.

I have seen you in your sweaters, in the late night sun at Winnipeg

Embers crackling
in random piles
while
leaves pull balancing acts
on the chilled wind
of November
Jack'o'lanters abandonned
to sink and collapse
into the cold ground
far away from fresh cut
cords of wood
to keep us warm through winter.
The fog lays like blankets
layered
on the road
surrounding the deer
feeding in fields
That harvest moon
glows more brightly
than Autumn's before.

Halloween Quote

"They shouldn't actually call it Halloween, it's more like slut-o-ween
a few eyeliner whiskers and headband for a skirt and no underwear is not a costume"

Actual Quote

"I don't do much, but I do lots!"

Dan Joss
October 25th, 2005

Pieces

After reading Heather's blog all these month's, I continue to admire her for her ability to write without being hindered by worries of consequences. I don't think I am so lucky. Part of me wishes that I could be more open about past relationships and life events. To open "the can of worms" and try and erase some of the bad feelings and get rid of that pain at the bottom of my stomach when his/their name is mentioned, or hen I am reminded of something that once happened to me. Maybe it would help to ease the jealousy and/or make me a better person. Yet, would it cause problems between myself and Dan?
As truly brutally honest as he has been, I have never opened myself up to him about my life before him, yet there are some things that I have never opened up to anyone. Is that ok? Does he need to know, do I need to go there? With him or with anyone? Some things are maybe better left in the past, but I can't help but wonder if he should know sometimes because these are events that have shaped the person that I am. I know that Dan pretends that he isn't very smart, because that is how he gets people to do things for him. I know that his mother's death was the most pivotal and earth shattering event of his life, and that is why nothing trivial affects him like it does me. I know and understand all his insecurities. I get him. I get him completely, but sometimes I am scared that he doesn't get me completely because there are pieces of my past that are missing to him.

"Neil says hi by the way
I don't believe you are leaving cause
Me and charles manson like the same ice cream
I think it's that girl
And I think there are pieces of me you have never seen
Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well"

Poor Bambi....

"Last night I dreamt
That I hit a deer with my car
Blood from his heart
Spilled out onto my dress and was warm
He begged me to follow
But legions of sorrow defied me"


now my car is in the MPI Insurance Compound, broken and busted.

Poor Car.

Poor me.


whaaaaaa.

All in a days work

Ahhh thanksgiving.
A weekend full of turkeys, pumpkin pies and pure over indulgence.
Mine was relatively tame, with my new found sobriety, a husband eager to work on the house (halleluia!!!) and visiting my parents on Sunday. Saturday was very busy for us in a ambitious way; we woke up early and headed off to Anola for breakfast with Willie and Angie at the hotel. From there we continued on to the city in search of home improvement items like plastic storm window covers, a new shower faucet to replace the vise grips currently operating mine, and a toilet repair kit. My my, I remember the good old days when I couldn't care less about home depot and certainly didn't get my heart a fluttering over bathroom faucets. Usually a night out with a hot guy, or a big bottle of Canadian club tickled my fancy, not anymore. I have never been so enthralled with catalogs as I have been since we bought our house. I spend countless hours, memorizing the newest Ikea catalog and marking pages in the Sears wishbook. Somebody help me!!!
Anyways, we went and got the Home Depot, Habitat, and such taken care of, we braved Superstore and then headed to Value Village on a search for large canning jars. I walked out with at least $40 of goodies. One other thing that I have noticed of late, is my new found enjoyment of Halloween and the prospect of "costuming" up. This coming from the girl who retired from trick or treating at age 9. I have always disliked Halloween but it seems I am finally getting over it.
I'm not even sure where we are going but we are going to dress up. I'll keep you posted on my decision and maybe post a pic or two on here of the Joss's all Halloweened' up....
After Value Village ( where we encountered a very intoxicated man being led through the store in handcuffs by another man who wasn't a cop ?!?!?!)We headed home and were due at a social for our friends Dave & Sharon in Transcona, however after a full day of running around, and rushing home to repair a toilet, clean the house, we passed out early.
Movies of note from the weekend were "Lords of Dogtown" and "Amityville Horror" I loved the first one and Dan almost peed himself because of the latter.

Boys are such wimps.

How have you been?

I will make myself scarce
I will make myself scarcely me
but I'll be outside your window at night
pull up your shades
leave on your light
I don't want to come in between
I just want to know
how have you been

Tearing Toronto a new asshole...

ok, so i have been MIA for a few weeks. this is a good thing people! this means i am not sitting at home bored waiting for dan to get home.

to recap the last few weeks

went back to the fert. doc. he said i need to lose more weight before our next steps..put me on two prescriptions and i go back in december....i totally chickened out and didn't say any of the things i said i was going to i just showed up there and i felt like my tongue was cemented to the floor. the little 90 lb doctor wins again.

went to toronto.....blew it out like only a blowout would. stayed in the hot westin harbour castle, went to richtree for lunch, checked out the hockey hall of fame went and had floor seats to the U2 concert at the acc....checked out the guvernment, ran into the ottawa senators (more specifically dany heatley)in the hotel lobby, slept in a heavenly bed, on heavenly sheets with heavenly pillows, had lunch at sightlines, enjoyed my first mlb baseball game, went back to pearson and flew home. sounds short and it was but there was a whole lot more that happened which was work related (which i am not prepared to write about for fear of the dooce

what's going on now you ask?
well other than trying to diet, only to be struck down by the evil buger king last night....(damn you evil jr. whopper!!!) i am trying to be crafty and therefore spend an unnecessary amount of money at michael's last night. which reminds me if anyone sees any large quart sealers with lids either in their basements, garage sales or at their grandma's please save them for me... i'm also on the look out for large decorative mirrors with a large frame. circle mirrors would be perfect. i'm going to give martha a run for her money!!

ps. listen to red right ankle from the decemberists i guess you could call that my song of the day or week or year.

later kids.

EMJAY

Congratulations

To Erik and Alana....they got engaged last weekend (finally !!) I am very excited to hear their plans. Erik has been one of my best friends since high school and Alana is so awesome...I love her and she's so perfect for Erik and makes him very happy... Congrats you guys!

also Congrats to Jasmine and Dwayne on their upcoming wedding and a little one coming in April. Jasmine is one of my oldest friends since I was in Nursery School and we walked to school together. Although I haven't had an opportunity to get to know Dwayne very well (which is silly....we live 7 miles from each other!!) I hope we'll become as good of friends as Jasmine and I have always been. Congratulations!! I can't wait to be an Auntie!!!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well

Honestly ...... Nausea is a form of torture
"No, I am NOT pregnant"
How do I know? it's called a pregnancy test, and I used one last night.

I am feeling crappy 2 days before leave for Toronto....grrrrrrrrrrr

If I wasn't so sick I would just jump on the floor, lay down and deliver the best tantrum I know how to.

He will sleep till noon but before it's dark,

He'll have every picnic basket that's in Jellystone Park

I’m a big fan and cheerleader of the animal. I’m against animal testing in all forms, I’m against hunting, I don’t eat at KFC, I purchase “Dolphin Safe” tuna and always cut my plastic six pack rings before putting them in the garbage. However, last night my views on hunting and controlling the current bear population has changed dramatically.

I was driving home through Anola and turning down Hwy 302 when suddenly I see off in the distance a small bear cub and it’s mother. It was exciting to see them and I was totally psyched I slowed down and they headed back into the bush and waited for me to pass by. I did, slowly and continued on my way cautiously. Half a mile further I see a large dark figure on the side of the road on my left. I thought it was a dog at first but as I got closer I realized it was another black bear. I thought it would move when I got closer so I reduced my speed, in case he jetted out in front of me. I was surprised when he didn’t even budge as close as I was and eventually my car was within a few feet of it. It looked right up at me, unconcerned and then as I slowly made my way past he put his head back down and continued to nibble at the long grass on the edge of the road.
My heart pounding, I continued on my way, being only 6 miles from home. This was the closest encounter of any kind with any type of wildlife (the exception being the little fawn they had at Whyte Ridge that we used to go and visit) and although I was really excited, I was upset to see these animals so unafraid of people. Thinking back to that couple in Ontario who were mauled by that bear last weekend as well as countless others who were killed or seriously hurt by these beautiful animals, I was worried for my own safety, As I pulled around the corner into town I saw 3 more in the distance.
There has to be a humane way to control these animals and keep them away from populated areas. 6 bears in a distance of 7 miles is unusual and concerning. Also moose in mall parking lots, like the one in Sobey’s parking lot this morning is concerning too.

Poor moosey’s, poor bearies. :(

Guess what day it is.............

Season 3 Baby!!
I am so excited I might pee my pants. This is the happiest day in weeks.

HOURAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY

Too little, too late

"I stood and watched my daddy die
No one could help his plight
He was trying to save our home
On the day that the river rose
Well, it came alive
I heard them say
and there was nothing we could do
as he washed away"

I'm not sure how this post will turn out. I had written most of it when the most horrific events were happening in New Orleans, and I couldn't finish it. I don't handle disasters well. I was emotionally wrecked for September 11th. It was an event that although I was not at all involved, I lived so far away and I really had no connection to it, it affected me deeply. The horrors of Hurricane Katrina has had the same effect. I try to put myself in their shoes and I can't. I try to imagine how I would survive, what I would do if I had children to care for during it and it's impossible to know what you would do yourself. I despise looters but yet I cannot guarantee you that I would not loot for clean water and food for my kids (if I had them)It makes me sick to my stomach to see them hauling off with 7 boxes of Nike shoes, cases and cases of beer, stereos....Their pictures are all on national news shows, splashed across the internet. I hope that after everyone is rescued and they start investigating how this all happened, I hope they track down these people and make them each work at least 1000 hrs of community service. Give them the choice between that or jail time.

As for the government and administration I won't dignify them (or people that feel the need to drag people down with their comments) with my opinion on the relief effort. People far more eloquent than me have said it better and their opinions very closely match mine (check out Dooce, Blurbomat, Suburban Bliss. People that know me well know my position on this matter.

My thoughts are with those devastated by this disaster.

This will be the only post on this matter, enough has already been said.

Sing ....Sing a song.....

Sex (I'm a)- Lovage



mmmmmmmmmm baby. You have to hear it for yourself and you will know what I mean.

Jungle babies for you, jungle babies for me.

Truth is the flame we must burn

Didn't do very well on this song of the day thing now did I?

Well here's today's song of the day. No one ever said I followed the rules. Even my own rules.

Love Song- Sheila Nichols

good song about a bad breakup. It has a very ethereal beachy feel to it and would be a fantastic song to listen to on a verandah on a late candelit night. Go get it people!!!

ps. check out my flickr I put some new pictures up.

Wish you were here

"I dig my toes into the sand
the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
pretend that I am weightless
and in this moment I am happy, happy"

Awesome weekend at the beach with Diane and Austin (5) & Alicia (3). We were lucky to have Dan go out to the campsite early and set up so that once we arrived we just made dinner and chilled out. The kids were excited to sleep in the trailer, especially Ally who proclaimed that "it's dark, need go bed now" at 7 o'clock. We cooked some hot dogs and marshmallows on the campfire put the kids to bed (to which they went happily and fell asleep so quickly!) Diane, Dan and I stayed up and consumed a few wobblies and then staggered off to bed. The trailer is pretty neat. There is a little kitchenette complete with sink, propane stove and cupboards. A small table and double beds at each end. Diane had to squish in with the kids mostly because they sleep like Dan (spread out like they own the place) but we were so tired we didn't care. Saturday morning the kids woke up about 6 and Diane was nice enough to take them for a little walk around the campsite to let Dan and I catch a few more winks. This ended up being a good thing as Dan seemed to have drank more than he remembered and was a grouchy old bear until about supper time. Regardless, we woke up and Dan made a great breakfast (hole in egg, bacon, hashbrowns....mmmmm)About lunchtime we discovered that Dan's truck had a flat tire and we could actually see and hear the hole where the air was coming out. So we all walked to Diane's van packed in, and headed off in search of a garage. This proved to be more difficult than we thought. Grand Beach certainly isn't what it was. Bad weather over the years has certainly caused a downfall in business in Grand Beach, everything is either boarded up or else up for sale and run down. It sure isn't the Grand Beach I grew up with.
We finally stumbled across a small dilapidated garage but their compressor was not working so they sent us to another scary garage and they said they fixed it and they did ...sort of.....it was leaking again (although more slowly) by the time we got back from the arcade and ice cream in Grand Marais.
We also went for a long walk along the beach picking up cool stones and finding seashells. The kids were really good about walking as far we did, even when Ally's pockets were filled with rocks she and I had picked up.
We got back in the afternoon, stopped by the showers, Austin fell off the slide and got a sand face painting....( picture will be uploaded soon) he was ok and we headed off back to the campsite for a gourmet meal....Dan cooked us up some gorgeous ribeyes and some baked potatoes. Allies ate hers in a river of barbecue sauce ( that girl must have some French blood in her) and Austin ( Mr. Hollow leg) did awesome as well. The kids had a slight bit more of candy and junk food in their system so as expected bedtime didn't go as smoothly as it did on Friday, but still reasonably well. Diane, Dan and I stayed up as long as our eyelids would let us and we crawled into our beds and fell fast asleep.
Sunday morning came quickly and the kids were up at the crack of dawn but again everyone let good old Auntie Mindy sleep a little longer. We had a fantastic breakfast again with some amaretto coffee and started to pack up the trailer. The kids did really good helping Dan pack it up. It was so cute to see Ally bent over, imitating Dan underneath the trailer. It didn't take us very long to pack everything up and we were back on the road at 10:30. Taking the 302 back home sure gets us home quickly. It takes about 40 minutes exactly to leave the campground to my front door. Which is wicked since it takes me closer to an hour to get to work.
Well it sure was an awesome weekend. It was so nice to go camping again. Just seeing Dan so happy and content being outside is so perfect, and I love Diane and those kids so much. It's so refreshing to be around such genuine good people.
I can't wait to go again.

It's a sad song...about Tigers !

It's song of the day people!! Isn't this fun?!

Tigers Have Spoken - Neko Case
Sad, beautiful. It was the song I was listening to as I was rushing to the hospital right before my grandma died. It still brings tears to my eyes to hear it even though I love it so much. I thought it would be fitting to pick that one as it reminds me of my grandma and it would have been her birthday tomorrow. She was a hell of a lady, she certainly was a tiger.

One more song the radio won't like

I am going to a song of the day post......just to get in the good habit of posting everyday.
So here goes.....


Today's song of the day is : Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap
It's the cutest song and makes my toes curl everytime. Such a good girly giggle song. Also featured on the O.C (yummy)

Soulful Shade of Blue

"Dressmaker, dressmaker,
I'm singing at the hall next saturday night and he'll be there.
He's been gone for so long, i want him back again,
Make me the sweetest dress you can"



2 more sleep till Dan is home....

blogger help

if anyone knows how to put a photoshop banner on my blog....please help......

fuck you html....really.

Born to be wild

Pops Bradshaw bought me a fucking bicycle, people !!!!

After a lovely saturday with my mom, (shopping with a nice lunch, talked like girls & booked a makeover at Clinique) Pops phones and asks us to come over to Olympia Cycle on Portage and meet him there. I got a wicked bike ( Trek Ladies Sole Ride 300) with a back rest!!! Yay for me and yay for my back that never gets a break! Yay for being spoiled!!! The picture above it exactly it, same color and all. So after Pops loaded it in to his car, we all went in mine and checked out a few Volkswagons for sale in the St. James area (We are both looking for a VW Golf Diesel....damn you $1/Litre gas...grrrr) and stopped by Lone Star to drool over the cool Mercedes and Smart Cars and then headed back to go out for dinner.
Sunday was nice too. I woke up and cleaned up the yard a bit, played with the doggies and cleaned my car. Mom & Pops stopped by to bring me said bicycle and have a little visit and take my poor old stepper. After they left I commenced a major spring cleaning in my house, renouncing my pack-rat ways. All old christmas cards, gone. All fancy gift bags, gone. ALL CRAP I DON'T NEED ANYMORE.....GONE. Danny is going to be so proud of me..... :)

tick tock tick tock....

you arrive home in 7 days
i am one part excited
i am one part concerned
i always seem to fuck it up when you gets home.

30 days gone
i am worried and
i hate that we are getting
used to being apart

up until may
the longest time we had
been apart was 12 hrs
now a month (?)

we are in such limbo
between a rock
and making a baby
i can’t wait
to be living the married life
rather than just getting by
and living
just to pay bills

sometimes i have to stop
and take a breath
and remember why
and remember what
and remember who
everything just blends into the days
sometimes

i woke up this morning
26 years old
missing out on so much
my list doesn’t seem much
shorter
it’s been amended along the way

i wish i could say “fuck it” to responsibilities too…..

Pennies From Heaven

Who the fuck wouldn't want to buy an airfreshner that smell like Mini-Donuts......

mooooooooooohahahahhahahahah

I'm going to be rich.

One Year Recap

At this time last year I had a dress, I had shoes, I had a veil and I was three days away from marrying Danny. Three days away from the most important day of my life. Three days away from the day that would forever change the friendship between my self and someone very close to me. Three days until, after a year, all of the fighting, tears, and hurt feelings would finally come to an end.

Although I complain about it a whole lot, my wedding (the actual vow saying, marrying part) was awesome. Although we used the vows from our JP, Patty, the words reflected what I felt about marriage and the promises you make. I haven’t been known to be the most religion of people so our ceremony was in our own way pretty symbolic and pretty spiritual.
My opinion of my marriage is this: if I can get through this there is no way I will give up down the road. I still love him more today than I think I ever did (and no it’s not just because I haven’t seen the guy in 17 days!!!) We’ve endured money problems, infertility (and still dealing with that), learning how to be in a long distance relationship, moving to the middle of nowhere, career changes, living with our in-laws, illness, the fact that he’s completely accident prone, the fact that I am always sick…and we are still going, and going strong.
Dan has always kept me grounded. When I am freaking about something stupid (in my usual Mindy way) he reminds me to calm down. When I think things are at their worst, he reminds me of what I do have. He reassures me when I think that we will never get pregnant. He makes me feel like I am the only wife and woman a man has ever loved, and he does this every day.

I keep hearing this Rascal Flats Song on the radio. I’m sure you have heard it. Until they actually play the death out of that song on the radio, I’m going to love it……I’m going to love it because it is the exact story of Dan and I. I have never regretted anything I have done in the past. I know that everything that happened was a part of a bigger plan to bring Dan and I together, and this song is just about that. (see below)

Happy 1 Year Anniversary Baby……
You are still a bit of alright, even after all this time.

Xo

Mindy


Bless The Broken Road - Rascall Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Take me out to the ballgame

Beautiful sunny Winnipeg!!!

I had a blast this weekend and is settling in to my new rig-wife lifestyle. Friday after work I rushed home and met up with Chad who was nice enough to come over and cut my grass for me. I made a kick ass dinner (Jerk Chicken, Baked Potatoes and Salsa Supreme Salad) ran to Richer and picked up some beer and relaxed and had a few bevies. Chad was looking into getting his own house and had found a perfect one just 12 minutes away from us. We took a ride out to check it out and also drove around Ste. Genevieve and our neighborhood and then came home when it got dark. Chad had some leftover fireworks from the parties the weekends before...... so we lit those up and teased the neighbors.... they were having a slightly bigger party across the field. Dory ran away (I'm guessing because of the fireworks) and I had a hell of a time finding her and she didn't find her way back home till about 3 am.....Not impressed!!! I roasted a chicken to make soup for when my parents came for lunch the next day and then headed off to bed.....
Saturday morning I woke up and began to make soup and tidy up a little bit before the parents came over. My dad was coming to fix my dog kennel to deter two naughty doggies from escaping so I was pretty psyched, plus I really enjoy it when my parents come over. They don't do it enough.... So they come over and then shortly after my Auntie Cheryl calls and then my two Aunties and two Uncles come over to check out the place and have a visit.... My mom and dad and the A&U's take off and I head to my mom & dad's to be a nerd and hang out in the airconditioned trailer and play Sims 2. I wasn't supposed to stay because Erik ( my ex-conditional fiancee....isn't that a great title?!) and I had plans to go to a Goldeyes Game on sunday so I had to go home.....however a brutal storm brewed up and I had to spend the night..... People were pulling over on the highway and everything. Mom & Dad were out for the night so they called and told me I was staying because the roads were so awful....
Sunday morning I was up at 9 and got ready to pick up Erik and head off to the ballgame. It was already pretty warm when I woke up so I was glad I had semi cool clothes...... I arrive at Erik and Alana's Condo pretty much by autopilot due to the years and years of practically living there in my early twenties....it was nice to see that the old faithful Spindler beer garden palace now looked like a home. Good Job Alana!! we had a nice visit....Reminisced, saw some pretty funny pictures from years back that I had never seen and then took off for the game.
This was my first Goldeyes Game and first time setting foot in our ballpark so I was excited. We had wicked seats too so that was cool too. The game started off slow but then suddenly they had a bunch of good hits and a bunch of home runs so it was pretty exciting. We walked around when it got too hot in our seats and bought a few lemonades from the best place in the world........Lemon Heaven!!!! Yay!!! Erik is now convinced
that Dan isn't really working on the rigs but is rather a ballplayer for the Goldeyes...I wish! Those dudes look hawt in those red pants.... meow....
After the game ( which we had won 17-12) we headed for our old hangout spot; Grapes on Kenaston..... had a few beers and some appies and talked and talked .....it was great!!! We are definitely hanging out again soon...

Ciao For Now Kiddies.......

Operation Rekindle Friendships Vol. 1

It's been 3 years since I have exclusively hung out with "my friends" as opposed to our friends, which seem to be for the majority "his friends" I have made a list and I am intent on fullfilling my friend-type duties.....sorry it took me so long folks...If I am missing any one .....don't feel left out, just drop me a line.

• Erik ( spoke traded voicemails and emails...I've missed you buddy!!!!)
  
• Mimi ( wished her well on her trip to South East Asia with Ness, once she gets back we are going back to regular coffee dates like we used to)
• Vaness ( same as above about the trips, but it will be more difficult to visit her...which sucks DONKEY!!)
• Danielle ( went out for dinner and a nice walk down Corydon...going for lunch friday)
  
• Heidi ( went out for a walk on Corydon on friday with Danielle.
  
• Kenny (coming into town Thursday, supposed to be going for drinks)
• Lesley ( see above)
• Rob ( who knows?????)

It's my stomach and I'll cry if I want to ...

stomach aches shouldn't last 6 days now should they?
ugh.....absence makes the stomach have acid.


ugh.


i miss Danny.....I am sad.

She's My Kate

In honour of my friend Vanessa's 26th birthday today here is a favourite song of ours that I'm pretty sure Ben Folds wrote about her and named it "Kate" to protect her identity..... cat's out of the bag now.... Happy Birthday Darlin! All the best and have a awesome AWESOME time on your trip!! Lots of Love!!

Kate

she plays Wipeout on the drums
the squirrels and the birds come
gather 'round to sing the guitar
oh, I...
have you got nothing to say?
when all words fail, she speaks
her mix tape's a masterpiece
walks through the garden
so the roses can see
oh, I...
have you got nothing to say?

and you can see
the daisies in her footsteps
dandelions,
butterflies,
I wanna be Kate
Kate
Kate
Kate

everyday she wears the same thing
I think she smokes pot
she's everything I want
she's everything I'm not
oh, I...
have you got nothing to say?

she never gets wet
she smiles and it's a rainbow (oh, oh)
and she speaks,
and she breathes
I wanna be Kate
Kate
Kate
Kate

down by
the Rosemary and Cameron
she hands out the Bhagavad Gita
I see her around every couple days
I wanna see her so that
I can say, "hey...
Kate"

she never gets wet
she smiles and it's a rainbow (oh, oh)
you can see
I wanna wanna wanna wanna be...
Kate
Kate
Kate

na na,
Kate
Kate
Kate

na na,
na na,
na na

Baby I'm Amazed.......

i was so mad at you
and thought you would
never understand

but you read what i wrote
and I saw on your face
silently
that you got it

improvements, small but significant
such a weight
lifted off me

2005 Winnipeg Folk Festival Review

Ahhh folk fest, my favorite time of year. Better than Christmas, better than any birthday. It truly is the best time of the whole year, although it does take me at least 2 weeks to recover from it. And this year it just may take me a little longer.

THURSDAY
The weekend actually started for me on Thursday since I was fortunate enough to again have holidays to take (rather than subjecting myself to the torture of having to miss out on Thursday night and suffer through work on Monday) Last year working at Shit Hole Collision rather than enjoying the whole weekend at Folk Fest resulted in me quitting the week after Folk Fest. Killer! Anyways Thursday at 5:05 I ran over to the hotel, eager for my weekend to start. I was a little dismayed that we were stationed in the basement of the hotel, (I guess the Fairmont is slowly starting to edge us granola munching, stinky pig feet folkies out) but I saw Danielle and Heidi and Dave so I was psyched! My shift started at 6 but I had some arranged transportation for the Kawa Brass Band from India and Ricky Skaggs & his group so I had to stick around. The Kawa group obviously were a little out of touch (which happens when you only have 1 band member that speaks English), no one could find them until 5:30 when they were found wandering the lobby when they are supposed to be at the site and on main stage at 6. Needless to say I had to herd them like little lost sheep shove them in vans and get them out the site even thought they would miss their set Chris(the Artistic Director) worked through it, sending out good sports, Nathan in their place. I returned to the hotel to bring out Ricky Skaggs and his band and get his family to follow us out. Ricky was nice and I basically met half his family including his daughter Molly and his band. Never in my 8 years as a Transportation Crew Member have I ever met a band who couldn’t a) remember how many were in their band b) count to 9. I was exasperated by the time I got half of them in my van and ready to go and it didn’t help that I had to drive out a Airport crew member that drove me nuts before and during the ride. She thought I was a new crew member, thought that she was driving another van (when the band was sitting and waiting in the van I had started up) and talked incessantly, blurting things out like some misbehaving child eager for attention and again thinking that it was my first year. Danielle, Heidi and I, had already made a little run out to the site on Tuesday so I was semi prepared as to what the site looked like. It was dry in the campground, and the back stage road for the busses looked pretty good under the circumstances. However, the evening got progressively dark and eventually a huge rainstorm began as Ricky and his band took the stage. They got cut short; rather they cut themselves short in fear for the audience, (what a hard core bunch we are!!!) as fork lightning filled the sky. Danielle and I took the coach bus back the hotel after standing in the rain for 2 hrs and I stayed at her house (Holiday Inn look out!!).

FRIDAY
We woke up early and headed off to the Fairmont at about 9. Danielle was the only one that had to be there but I wanted to help out most of the day so I tagged along. We enjoyed a muffin and juice breakfast, hung out with some performers, talked with some performers, including Stephen from the Weakerthans, Sandy Scofield, and a shit load of others. It’s always a nice morning when you see Valdy hanging out, the ladies from Be Good Tanya’s sitting having a muffin while watching previous nights performance and interviews on Shaw TV. Folk Musicians, it’s a beautiful thing.
Friday night I had the honor of driving Dr. John back from his kick ass performance on the main stage. What a pleasure! His manager Hooter was a very memorable guy, prompt, organized and a breath of fresh air. My Dad is a pretty big fan so I thought it was pretty cool. It was a busy place backstage and with the Dr and his band leaving at 3 am we were on a tight schedule. I also drove back Kaki King’s tour manager and a good friend of hers as well. The girls were nice, the Dr. was a quiet riot and Hooter kept us entertained with stories of other festivals, pot flavored lollies and asking me to rev up the engine on my 2006 Ford Expedition I got to drive all weekend. I taught them about the northern lights, how to say Aurora Borealis, the quickest way to the Hotel from the Festival Site (including bolting through the field!) and about our Loveday mushroom plant. After all the hugs and goodbyes at the hotel, I had a drink with Dave and went back to Hotel Danielle for a brief but purposeful sleep.

SATURDAY
Lucky for us!!! We got to sleep in until 11 and Alan came to pick us up and bring us to the hotel. We helped out at the hotel, had lunch in the velvet glove and tried to get our whole crew to sign Linda’s Card that I made for her (it was her 25 year of volunteering for our crew and the Festival….go Linda!!!) The temperature kept climbing all day and with each hour that passed the humidity in the basement grew unbearable. This year was so much busier than others. There were so many requests from performers and tour managers, it was clear that we were understaffed. The airport crew was never there so it was lucky for them that our crew had so many people that worked all day long and so many extra shifts so that some one was at the desk to answer questions…and deal with people like Nikolai Dunger. Nice man, but doesn’t understand English. Which is difficult when he is trying to get back a sweater that he had lost and hop a flight out of town. Some times I think the Festival should provide US with translators. Saturday continued on not without a major catastrophe, when we were supposed to take Lila Downs and her group to the site for their night performance. I was running around like a mad woman with buses breaking down, phone calls and whatnot, Ted was waiting upstairs for the group and when I came upstairs he was loading some people in the van, me, assuming that this was the right group got the rest of them and their gear in my van and we headed off to the site. At Main and McDermot one of them band members jumps out of Ted’s van, runs up to mine and as I roll down my window he exclaims “we are going to the airport right?” and all the color from my face drains and I turn the corner and head back to the hotel. With no one to take them to the airport (they had forgotten about Auto rickshaw) I called them a cab, pissed off the doorman, and switched all their gear and group over to the cabs, rounded up Lila Downs and started all over again. Thankfully they were al kind and patient people. We stopped at 7eleven on the way stocked up on water (32 above!!) and were finally on our way. Saturday night was great because we set up a good little area backstage but sort of in view of the stage (which for this year was almost impossible, since they took the viewing area away from the performers and the volunteers…..grrrrrrrrr) we had citronella candles, bug spray and I stocked myself up with the best damn lemonade in the world !!!! It was a beautiful night.

SUNDAY
Heidi and I took off in a van from Danielle’s in the morning to be at our 9 am shift. This is difficult when you only had 4 hrs sleep the previous night, but we woke up got ready and left with Danielle’s daughter Sam and her friend’s to drop them off for the festival shuttle at the hotel. Normally Sunday’s are boring and painful because most of the performers have come and gone and there isn’t much to do. Normally. However this year was exceptional. Heidi ran Sylvia Tyson out to the site at 9:20 and I was left at the hotel like a fucking call center rep picking up the slack from the other crews. Valdy thought I was bananas, hotel hospitality thought I escaped from the mental facility and people on the escalator should have got the hell out of the road. I did meet some nice people however…Rennie Sparks from the Handsome Family, Brendan McGuire (sound guy and former producer of Sloan and Sam Roberts) who I would later rush to the airport to retrieve Feist’s guitar after waiting an hour for customs, and speed out to the site to get there in time for her show!! J That would later be my only experience with Feist as I missed her show and workshops because of my shifts. I did catch one of Kinnie Star’s songs on the mainstage (how long have I waited to see her….) Once I got to the site (after a cake run, a crispy chicken sandwich run, a slurpee run, and a stop off at Danielle’s house run) it’s was about 6. Everyone ate and we headed to the mainstage and set up a spot with the crowd outside the volunteer area (that would be us taking spots away from the paying public Mr. Chris Frayer) Sunday night was a pivotal evening for me. For the last 4 years the Folk Festival has sort of shifted away from the traditional folk elements of the festival. I’m not saying that they were un-enjoyable acts but Folk Music will always have my heart. I was slightly disillusioned in the Folk department up until about 9 pm Sunday night. Xavier Rudd took the stage and brought me back to my happy little granola munching, Birkenstock wearing, dirty pig feet heaven. I had heard of him from his last year’s performance at the festival, but had never seen him. I’m telling you people…. he is the cat’s ass and a bag of donuts. Spiritual, friendly, handsome, musical, lyrical, insightful…beautiful. He reminded me that night of why I volunteer for the folk fest and inspired me in so many ways (now just don’t tell my husband :)
If you ever have the chance to see him, don’t hesitate just go.
After Xavier, Daniel Lanois took to the stage and about 3/4’s through his set one giant dark cloud loomed overhead. At one point I looked up and saw a flash of lightning, and suddenly the temperature dropped 10 degrees and a huge gust of wind hit us. A thousand or so spectators suddenly packed up and headed for the gates. At one point someone mentioned the word “tornado” so I gathered up my stuff and headed back to backstage. It took 3 of us to pack up the whole transportations gear and belongings and stuff it in the back of the van. The tents in the backstage area are swaying in the wind, the sky darkens and I’m disappointed that there may not be a show for Emmy Lou Harris and no finale. It starts to rain a bit and then the dark clouds disperse and every one calms down a bit and we head backstage to organize, calm, referee the chaos that is backstage. Emmy Lou’s set was beautiful. She is beautiful. The lightning that flickered in the background was beautiful. And the show went on. A small group of volunteers gathered with us to go up on stage for the finale. I was thankful that I was determined to learn most of the words to the Mary Ellen Carter; I figured after all this time why not. We went up on stage with Valdy, the Campbell Brothers and Emmy Lou and sang the remainder of the night away. The party at the hotel was fun, and probably even more so this year because we rented a room. I went to sleep at 5 and t’was the end of another fun filled Winnipeg Folk Festival.

I think 2006 I plan on being more involved in the festival. I have a lot of ideas and I hope everyone will be receptive to them. I know Danielle needs more help and I don’t want another year like this one. It is always fun, but I don’t think we should always carry the brunt of the stress and workload. I know the festival has made me a better person. I have created friendships and learned a lot from the people I work with. I definitely don’t ever regret signing up and I can’t wait till next year.

I'm shutting up....after this

what should i do with you
i'm exhausted
and tired of thinking
about you
money
jobs
and not getting by

I'm sick of you coming home
and acting like a child
as if you were unsupervised
out there
and changed back into
what you used to be

you said you were going out
for a while
at 2 pm yesterday
I went to bed last night
and woke up alone again
almost ready to give up
almost ready to start acting
like all the other women you know

i see your truck pull up to the
tree line
hesitate and leave
when i knew you saw me
avoiding confrontation
and i wonder what would happen
if i gave you
and ultimatum
or just gave up

I gave up so much of myself
to be with you
do you realize the consequences
do you realize that this
is more serious than you think

the other day you said you
missed me so much
and couldn't stand to be away
and i knew that those were
the first kind words in months
"i love you" is just by habit now
those words they hold no value
or weight
or am I just angry ?
should i just close my mouth?
am I taking things for granted?
am I overeacting?

i'm shutting up now
anyway

Boys are Dumb

"Nobody said that love was gonna be kind
But they did say that it was pleasurable as it was divine"

London

more terror
and blood spilled
senselessly
again
this time
somewhere
like us
seemingly
more familiar

and as we
send frantic
emails
and
wait to hear
back from
friends, relatives
i wonder
which
fair
country is next

and i watch tv
angered by the
liars
and that lies
that they tell
don’t they
know that
this isn’t reporting
this is causing
chaos
and death
and madness

all the coulters
and o’reilly’s
spewing hatred
collecting
members of a
return hate
coalition
with their
“he did it first!” motto
like siblings
that, not even for
the life of this planet
could get along

london’s burning
and we all sit back
and shake our heads
unable to commit
to a cause
unable to commit
to africa
unable to
get off our asses
from our
comfort zone
and picket fences
figure out a way
to not fight
fire with fire

help...i need somebody....help....not just anybody

i am sad.

and lonely


and it's Folk Fest


I should be happy


but I am not

Nessie-V is leaving for T-Land Soon and I love her

fuckin sexy ain't she

..."so houray for me and fuck you..."

"Cold beer, hot wings
Wranglers, Skoal ring
Get just what you see
Gun rack, ball cap
Don't take no crap
Ain't a pretty boy-toy
I'll rock you steady
Rough and ready"

So he's found another rig to work on, I got a frantic phone call at 9:30 as if I had magical powers to multiply the cash in our bank account. I think not. So he's been, for the last 4 hrs trying to pack, an insane amount of survival gear into his truck to leave immediatley for Berger, AB. Where the fuck is Berger? I'm assuming it's near, around, past Calgary. ugh. Poor Danny. But he has had the last month off. Sympathy revoked.

I honestly feel like going to Fat Angel and eating a whole platter of Calamari and about 6 martinis....yeah, I'm going to do fabulously on this dr. induced diet.
Freaking Fabulous.
No carbs for 2 weeks, no fruit for 2 weeks, no corn, carrots or potatoes, no sweets.
All for the sake of a future devil spawn to grow in this buddah belly of mine. Houray.......must ........stay........motivated............ugh.

At least the rain stopped today, even if it was only for 15 minutes. There are some flooded out yards/streets/fields/creeks/floodway that's for sure. I thought i was going to have to damn well canoe to work today.....it was a close one. But the weather is supposed to improve...thank goodness for sunshine.


t-one week.......... Winnipeg Folk Festival go....enjoy...have a great time and i will see y'all there.


ps. no tomfooley on pope's hill y'hear?

Charleswood

that summer
spent undulating
hiding out
secrets and hushed
moaning to conceal
what we were told
we shouldn’t do

the night
she went
in and out of rooms
“hawaii hot boxing”
we snuck in some
careful touches
but she knew

you “escorted” me
to a wedding
got so stoned
i left you
sleeping at someone’s
house
and was giddy with
my new
responsibility

even when afterwards
you kept reaching
for a friends hand
vying for our
attention
to satisfy your
fantasy

i refused
with
pouty lips
and
we left her
behind
fuming
and i
succeeded
for the
very first time

listened to
“over the hills
and far away”
and it felt the way
i wanted it to
but
so quickly
it faded
into daylight

we don’t speak
anymore
but sometimes
send
messages
through
strangers –

censored
“hello’s”

sometimes
i don’t think of you
at all
but sometimes
my stomach
hurts
because i do
too much.

This is a tribute

to the blogs i love to read on a regular basis, either to be inspired, to be humoured or to get a naughty peeping tom kind of vibe (which is all good...hey i air out my dirty laundry too!)

Explosive Laughter We love Heather, she sends Mindy music AND helps her with her blog. She's an awesome photographer and web designer too.

Van Nasty She's a charleswood supa tuff and one of my oldest bestest friend. And I made her wear a bridesmaid dress and she doens't hate me.

Raymi She's beautiful and creative and doesn't give a shit if you don't like her blog. I love it!

Melissa She's a hilarious, no holding back Mom. She writes the way I think in my head and wish i could put on paper. "She's got skilz

Dirty Alana Who doens't appreciate a girl with a dirty mind. :)

Check these peeps out!



oh yeah and a big shout out to my bank lady who is helping us out because we are so poor.
We love you!!!

who made reading so hard?

they take a polaroid and let you go, say "they'll let you know"

I am definitely asking for an ass kicking that’s for sure.
I invited my mom’s side over for a barbeque this weekend.
It was supposed to be a simple non-martha-type event (which is tough for me), I didn’t even make any clever invitations, I just had my mom call a few aunts and have it go from there. I really just thought that someone in my family other than my mom and dad and brother should come over to my house. And why not!! I’ve been to all of their houses!!
Anyways, there are little kids and good food and booze and my favorite cousins that I miss coming in also so it should be a good time. I hope I survive it.

On another stressful note….Dan hasn’t gone back to work from shut down yet, which means no pay. Which means more credit card and utility companies calling and me pretending the “fake cry” in order to hold them off. Except for Bell Expressvu. This blog is a welcome spot for Expressvu haters. I loathe Bell Expressvu. How Suzie-Q’s goes out of business and they don’t amazes me. Suzy Q’s had wicked shakes, awesome hot dogs, jukebox that you can order songs from your table, Bell has shitty service, shitty programming and lobotomy subjects working in their customer service department.

But enough bout them…..let’s let my blood pressure settle a little bit

I just checked the weather network. Its now supposed to have a thunder shower tomorrow late in the day. Exactly when everyone is supposed to show up. Wonderfuck.

I am a happy girl. I really am. I have new flooring in my kitchen, freshly painted hallway, fixed gazebo roof, and Miss Heather D sent me some lovin via Canada Post this week also. Mixed Cd !!! yeah !! I’m loving the song 17 by Ladytron it’s killer creepyawesome. Thanks Heather!!!!! You rock girl!

I’ll keep you all posted on the barbeque front, also I’ll be stressing out about my doctors appointment with the fertility doctor on the 27th……I’ll have to go without Dan and I’ve only lost 10 lbs and not 15….ugh. I need some major motivation.

Also I’ll be posting some new entries on damselindistress poetry soon…..god I can’t wait to get myself a laptop……..

Have a good weekend kids. Don’t forget the sunscreen….

Stay tuned and we’ll be back after these messages……

Go togther like a horse and carriage.

don't you all wish you had a husband that would invite all his loud friends over on your last night together before he goes away for two weeks and wrecks the nice dinner you had planned and then gets drunk, takes off, doesn't come home but leaves a nice voicemail at 2 am....
"usss, Mindy I can't come home cause usshh me and William are a little bit drinking"

I love being married.

and if the answer is no, can i change your mind

I'm alright
I'm ok

Hurting and stomach aching
but surviving.

Dan is home, on shut down
messing my house
organized chaos

it's amazing how lonely
you feel
when someone dies
and how guilty

but I'm alright
and I'm ok
i'm surviving.

I'm screaming

Mindola
Originally uploaded by Skittlesjoss.

new me, and i dont' care

i feel like screaming
i feel like smashing ...anything
throwing porcelain through plate glass
taking my pills with my jack and coke
playing in traffic
talking to strangers
not wearing a seatbelt

i'm mad today more than sad
and sometimes i wish i could be mad
more often
i'm so tired of being quiet
i'm so tired of being invisible
i'm tired of being passed over
and not treated
and not having the same things done
to me
like i would do for you.

i'm grieving
i only got 1 email
no calls
she died and dan called
this morning and asked how
she was
i hung up the phone
i am a bitch
i drank jack daniels all day
i want to be a disaster
i can't pay attention anymore

I'm a sullen girl, sullen girl

My good moods are never to last.

My grandma (dad's side) has pnuemonia. She's critical. My parents are away, thankfully coming back tonight at some point. How can a family who just went through this in March, go through all this again. I am more angry right now than sad, which in turn makes me guilty for being selfish. If that makes sense.

Dan isn't here. If anything does happen, if she does pass away. He can't come back. Who will let me squeeze their hand so hard to keep from crying. Who is going to comfort me just by being there.

This year was supposed to be so much better.

I should have known better

Babies. Sweet little babies.

Zoom brought her babies into work today. It made my whole day, maybe even my whole week. It was also good to get me back on track with my meds and the whole diet and no chemicals thing. It's so easy to get frustrated and not remember why you are doing this in the first place, but I was reminded today. Sweet little babies. Twins no less. I am probably the only person that is hoping for twins. Lori always tells me how having twins was the best thing and that she can't imagine having just one.
I want babies right now so everyone say a silent prayer for my dumb overaies to start working properly, oh and bring my husband home for some lovin. Yeah I'm smart, I's know's my birds and bees.

Just what the world needs; another redneck ritalin'd up child. LOL.

Memorable Memorial Day Weekend

Best Line of the Weekend:

“Well I had to go away for a while but…”

After a fun eventful weekend in the states, I am thankful I am Canadian. I just think about their crappy beer, their overambitious political views, their “in-your-face” patriotism, and their insane teenage-pregnancy rate and I cringe. We may live in the murder capital of Canada but I am thankful to be a Winnipegger and more specifically a “Canuck”.

So we leave Winnipeg at 9 am packed full of snacks, (Gin brings flavored water and carrots and I bring chocolate pudding, Reece’s Swoops…ha ha )
We head smoothly to the border… chaos ensues. I’m guessing because we told them we were carrying alcohol …(12 Coolers! Ha ha …. I’ll come to that story) we were asked to come to the garage and follow their instructions. Going into that garage was like going into Edward Carriere’s for a haircut: six million people buzzing around you asking you a million questions and making you feel claustrophobic and nervous. They take our Id’s and ask us what we do for a living, whether we are Canadian citizens and if we were born in Canada. They ask us where we are going and why and look confused when we tell them we are going to a friend’s birthday party (yes sir, we are friends with one those American type people!!) Another boarder patrol dude comes to me and begins asking the same questions (I guess to see if we keep the same story…. oohhhhh) I answer his questions and the first dude tells us to get back into our vehicle. As I step towards my door the second dude with the thick southern accent barks at me “ WHERE ARE YOU GOING, WHO TOLD YOU TO GET BACK INTO YOUR VEHICLE…” The first dude tells the second dude that he did and I scramble for the door and get in. It’s amazing how nervous you get even when you haven’t done anything wrong. The other 4 dudes put all of the contents of our trunk back in and tell us to follow the arrows to get back onto the highway. So we depart thankful for no strip searches or anal probes.

We whip through Grand Forks, and head to Fargo because of better shopping purposes. Let me tell you something, there are a lot of things that make me happy in life: my husband, quading, hockey, food but they are all competing today against Super Target. I fucking love that store…American’s love to laugh at me when I go in there…I’m amazed by anything they don’t sell in Canada, no matter what it is. We purchase a “ghetto-blaster” to play the burned cd’s that we couldn’t play in the Honda, Frank’s Buffalo Wing Hot Sauce and Coco Puffs (the latter 2 are not available in Canada, I’m so psyched!) We then proceed to our destination, but somehow get lost in Fargo for about an hour, ask for directions twice and finally make it on to Hwy 10, now 3 hrs late for the party, and are on our way. We arrive there and find Jackson and Karen, and give hugs to my favorite cop birthday girl Angie. They all proceed to tease us mercifully about how we talk and our “Canuck-isms” especially how we bought a “ghetto-blaster”. Apparently they don’t say that down here. Which makes no sense, since isn’t this the country that invented the term “ghetto” ???????? The party is fun, Angie’s brother and sister live on a farm, and it was an outside bonfire type party so I felt right at home. The majority of the group was cops, which was pretty funny in and of itself. A Breathalyzer was pulled out, and it was the evening’s fun to see how drunk Angie was every hour. At one point I heard she blew a .115 what ever that means. She did exceptionally well for drinking all the Jagermester and her share of the endless supply of homemade schnapps. Ginny was really funny too, as we all know her limited alcohol tolerance, she was chatty and began chatting to a tall, dark and obviously troubled young man. Now if there is one thing I am good at, it’s picking out the trouble in a crowd. This crackhead, on a scale of 1-10 was a 9.5. He began chatting her up and she reciprocated, worrying the majority of the group we were with. It turns out he was in prison for like 6 years for attempted murder/assault on a blind person. At this point I am trying to listen to what he is telling her and I hear….
“Yeah I had to go away for a little while” Holy shit, at this point I would have been running back into the car and back up to home. But a few compliments in her ear and she was buying into him. We are invited in by a few boys to learn more how to play Texas Hold’em and get pretty involved in that. Mr. Prison Psycho is keen on teaching the girls so he gets right in there and starts hovering over poor Karen who is too quiet and sweet to tell him to bugger off. The whole table begins to get nervous about our safety when an argument ensues about who’s hand was better and why. Amy’s husband at one point turns to a cousin and whisper’s “please make sure he doesn’t stab me tonight alright!”
We play a few hands when suddenly Amy comes into the house and tells us that the hostess would like us all out of the house, and that someone “hissed at her” when she came inside and that she wasn’t impressed. The girls, feeling uncomfortable, (although no one “hissed at her”…maybe the homebrew makes you hear voices?) leave and go head for the fire. The remainder of the evening I can sum up as follows: Psycho Guy keeps getting creepier and creepier (although we tried our best to ignore him), Jackson asks the one cop in uniform to see his “gadgets” and he cuffs her and Ginny, Psycho Boy tells the un-duty cop that “ I get into a fight everyday and that one day I’m just going to go kill everyone”, more Schnapps’, us nervous about a wobbly toddler walking around the fire while the parent’s didn’t do anything, me quitting drinking because Ginny just yanked a drink out of a cops hand, Psycho boy telling her that he wants to phone her, and go out with her (though he’s not allowed into our frigging country!!!! ) Him arguing that we are run by a Queen that he has to pay $250 dollars if he wants to come into Canada. …Un-hun sure…and us finally crashing in the car in order for us to make a quick getaway in the morning without Psycho Boy catching us.

So the morning has us quickly getting packed up, changed, and hitting the road. We have no troubles finding our ways back a different way (through Crookston) and eagerly anticipating my American Taco Bell Lunch in Grand Forks. I love American Taco Bell as much as Target, for the simple reason that they still have Mexican Pizza’s in the states. The stupid Canadian Taco Bell’s closed up their independent restaurants and made them all into lame KFC/Taco Bell’s, where all the food tastes like chicken. Gin was not very impressed because their fountain drinks weren’t working but she couldn’t work the menu like I did. I thought it was kick ass.
Then we hit Old Navy for some deals (did I mention I love Old Navy for their Folk Festival appropriate clothes?),hit the road in the long overdue sunshine, and avoid paying duty because the Canadian Border Patrol boy was only twelve. He didn't believe us that we had a friend that was from the states either. Jeesh.

Fabulous Fabulous US of A.

Gotta Love it.

Whaaaaaaa

It is amazing what a baby I am.

He came to work to say good bye and I bawled. I came back into my office and had to leave cause I bawled again.

I got home and bawled and then did it again after he called to say goodnight. And as much as I am a baby I am shallow too. The money factor is the only thing that is getting me through this. I keep calculating the paychecks when he only starts tomorrow and doesn't even recieve his first paycheck until the 13th.....of June!

Ugh, I am miserable. And I knew I would be, but I am even more miserable than I knew that I thought that I would be.
I even was going to call him this morning to ask him to come home. But we are too far gone now. We have no money coming in besides my small insufficent paychecks and there is no turning back now.....

ugh.....

I am such a suck.

Good for a laugh, or peeing your pants....

Here's a Link that will make the rest of the day go by a bit faster for ya....


It's the funniest shit ever, even if you aren't planning on babymaking

Enjoy peoples....and have a freaky fantastic long weekend, get drunk, go camping, go fishing, sit in a kiddie pool, have a bonfire and giddy up.

M.

All the stars may shine bright

Things I am happy about today:

• it's 30+ today in Winnipeg
• it's a long weekend
• i don't have to work on monday
• I'm listening to Neko Case
• People are going to send me mixed cd's
• I'm having a bonfire party for Dan on saturday
• I can sing as loud as I want all the way home (i"m driving)
• Dan is setting up our new dog kennel right now
• He tilled my new garden today too

Yay for me!!!!

Yay for you too!!!!

Bye Bye Love......

So Dan passed his tests in Sask. and quit his job today and everything is awesome. He leaves next Wednesday. It will be so nice to pay some bills and get out of debt. He's only going to be gone for 2 weeks at a time. It won't be the greatest arrangement, but not the very worst either.

Wish me luck people!!!!
I will be leaning on you all for support for the next while.

Ps. anyone wanting to send me music, I will love you forever. I have no internet in the country and only 4 channels on tv so I am looking for some musical comfort!!! You will be greatly rewarded for you generosity.... :)

Things I have had it with......

-so called friends that call you a liar and start a big fight and bring up "well you owe me money from 16 years ago....."

-People that tailgate you because you pulled ( but left plenty of room) your vehicle in front of theirs and that made them angry so they chase you and shake their fists and freak.

- People that call and say " yeah, you just called me?" or "you number came up on my phone?" Look buddy, I got 12 people working here, anyone could have called....If you were that interested you should have picked up the phone in the first place.

-People that complain about things they have no control over : traffic, shitty weather, long commutes, etc..... deal with it and shut it!

-Parents that murder their children, girls that abandon babies in plastic bags....dumpsters etc...
If you don't want those you bring into this life, bring them to a hospital, fire department, public place......... People like me, who are having trouble conceiving or those who can't have a child of their own at all, would be thrilled to death to adopt and not have to wait 10-15 years to do so.

end of rant..... ( i love how much better i feel after this :)

While every line speaks the language of love

Skrawl Y'all.....

If interested.......i started a poetry blog of sorts. It's called damselindistress.

It's a collection of poetry and more of my brain entered as key strokes on a page in the land of the internet.

Most of it's from about 3+ years ago, back when my life was complicated and I hated boys for their taking pleasure in agrivating me......grrrrr

hope you enjoy....

M.

100 things you probably didn't know about me....stolen from HKD

1-My real first name is Melinda
2-My family has always called me Mindy
3-I'm starting to like that name more as I get older
4-I'm 25
5-I'm married
6-my husband's name is Dan
7-he's going to go work on the oil rigs
8-I'm going to miss him
10-I have a chicken pox scar on my stomach
11-i got chicken pox when I was 8
12-they kept me out of school a long time for it
13-my hair isn't really red, it's the iron in the water
14-i should get my hair cut more often
15-i can't cause i am always broke
16-i have a fixation with chocolate
17-i need it almost every day
18-it is hard not to eat it when you are dieting
19-i don't get to see my best friends enough
20-2 of them live in winnipeg and one is in van city.
21-my relationship with my parents improved when I moved out
22-dan and I started living together after a month of dating
23-we got engaged 4 months after that
24-on July 15th I will have lived in my house for a year
25-the furthest i have ever traveled is Monterey, CA in 97
26-i went with my parents
27-my favourite place to party is whistler.
28-i'll probably never get to go there again
29-i've slept with 4 times as many people as I have dated
30-the longest i have ever had a relationship with someone was 4 years
31-it wasn't my husband
32-it was someone elses husband
33-i have no regrets
34-i only wish i kept in better touch with some people
35-i have poor self image
36-i am in denial about how much
37-i struggled with depression in 1998 and 1999
38-i've lost all my grandparents except one
39-they had my parents in their late 40's
40-my surviving grandma is 92
41-i found my estranged family in BC
42-i only told my mom, cause I was scared of my dad
43-i am always nauseous
44-i only have 6 things in my fridge at the moment
45-2 I am sure are mouldy
46-I have the best job ever
47-i feel guilty for not doing more
48-i stopped coffee and coke in September
49-i only miss caramel lattes
50-i love living in Manitoba
51-i don't care that people don't like it here
52- i love traveling by plane
53- i hate riding in a car, it hurts my back
54-i was in 3 car accidents by the time i was 23
55-none were my fault
56-i've been to the dr's at least 25 times in the last year
57-I'm allergic to lobster and crab
58-and strawberries
59-but i still love strawberries
60-i love bright colors
61-If I ever get pregnant, my kids will have unusual names
62-and I don't care if dan doesn't like em
63-when he has a kid he can name them
64-i love salad bars
65-i love girl singers
66-i always wish that I could sing in a folk group
67-i'd love to be in a band like Rudimental.
68-i sing in the car all the time whether i am alone or not
69-my first crush was on Huey Lewis.
70-my longest crush was bruce willis. (from age 8 till now)
71-i love to paint and draw
72-I'm just too picky to like anything i do
73-i am too worked up all the time to paint
74-I'm a speed reader
75-I love David Fincher. Movies
76-I have divorced myself from 3 of my best friends over a fight
78-Ryan is my only guy buddy I never slept with
79-My wedding was a big nightmare
80-I have changed lots because of it
81-my relationships with my friends have changed because of it.
82-I have moved 9 times in my lifetime
83-i dont' want to ever move again
84-i want 3 children
85-I want a nice yard and garden
86-i won't have that with 2 dogs
87-i love quading
88-i was scared to drive it at first and now i love it
89-i want my own quad ( i have one picked out)
90-Since i don't have the internet at home, I'm not Mrs. Music-Know-It-All anymore
91-i love girls nights out when we stay in
92-i'm too selfconscious for the bar
93-I have Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome.
94-it causes me to suffer a lot of symptoms
95-infertility is the biggest one
96-hence why i am anti-abortion
97-I'm also against the death penalty
98-this was easier than i thought
99-my middle name is Jean
100- there I am done!

I'm weary with right-angles, abbreviated daylight, and waiting for a winter to be done.

So Mother's Day is over.
It all worked out, and was another example of how I get worked up over nothing .

Dan got a call on Sunday night about getting a job on an oil rig out in AB and Sask. He's very excited. I am apprehensive. This would be such a win/lose situation. We could pay off all our debt, finish renovating the house, and I could get some shit done that I have always wanted: guitar lessons, mandolin lessons, a photography class, etc......

however,

I have never lived on my own. Ever.
I have never spent a significant amount of time away from Dan. Ever.

I am afraid of being miserable the whole time he's away. I am worried that I won't be able to handle it. Although, I know, if he does go it's at least for 2 years. I will have to handle it. I am just hoping that the good ( ie: money) outweighs the bad ( ie: dan away) Somehow I doubt it.
Absense does make the heart grow fonder though right?

I am tough I am tough I am tough I am tough I am tough I am tough

lots of people do this, go through this, fix their money problems, live happily ever after
right?

I'll be fine, I have some kick ass friends that are their for me and know what's going on....
Ginny, Krista, Vanessa.

I bet people are putting bets on me right now. All of Dan's friends told him I can't handle it.
thanks for the vote of confidence guys...

This may be the chance to get back some of the old (good) Mindy I was looking for.

Mother's day is still on

wish me luck, i'll tell you all about it on monday, if i survived.
On the plus side I get rum cake from Baba

rum cake makes almost everything better
notice the "almost"

Protect the weak......

so the fireman "perks up"
overcame a coma
so many long years
in a "persistive vegetative state"
and I wonder
what the politicians,
and congressmen
and lawyers
would have thought about this
34 days ago
when terri was still barely alive
being starved
because they thought it was
the "right thing to do"
maybe they would have come
to a different conclusion
and saw the error of their
decision
and perhaps been inspired
to change our "death society" ways
we seem always so quick to give up
and forget that sometimes
life does prevail
over terror, and illness and accidents
maybe one fireman, now
will have power to make us think
and
not give up
too quickly next time.

Why bother

So I plan this fancy elegant mother's day brunch at my house.....
In all my experience with these families I should friggin know better.

"oh ok we'll come, but you better invite Baba & Guido to come so it'll save us a trip"

"ummm alright"
(I didn't know Grandparent's Day fell on the same day)

"well be there about noon"

So I continue to plan, slightly annoyed.

Then I talk to my mother
"well your dad wants to visit your grandma in the morning so i don't know what's going on"

This would have been nice to know BEFORE I spent what little money I have on ridiculous ingredients for all this fancy crap I don't want to make anymore.

agitated AND annoyed

I phone up my dad

"So are you guys coming for breakfast because I am making breakfast food. It's pretty retarded to make breakfast food for people that show up at 2"

"We'll either do it or don't do it"
he hangs up.

So now I am left with all this crap I am supposed to make, not that Dan wouldn't appreciate it, but now I am not very interested in doing anything for Mother's Day at all.

PARENTS SUCK
and I should have said early breakfast
I suppose this is my fault.

B-R-O-K-E

i flooded my kitchen floor
the laminated floor
was floating
and dan
was yelling

if i do something wrong
but it's the result of something
he's put off and not done
am i still to blame?

mother's day is sunday
i planned a martha stewart type brunch
now everyone will have to
wear their outside shoes
inside

the insurance company said
our deductible is $500
i choked on my pancake
and wondered how
we'd ever get that kind
of money

he's at home
with the contractor
and i am hoping that
the house will be clean
when i get home.
(and supper too)

McBeers

there is a boy at
the concourse mcdonalds
all perky and shiny
he looks just like
trev in our mcbeer days
and i smile, remembering
and he thinks
i am smiling at him
but that's ok.

Things I am thankful for.......today

• music I'm not sure how I would get through the day or any crisis without it.
• my job I got a nice gift from the bosses today for doing a good job :) Yay me.
• my mom for being a constant source of support all throughout the day.
• blogs for allowing me and Va'Ness&MIMS to keep better in touch.
• moving to charleswood my life would be completely different and no where near as good as it is now. As much as I hated it the first year after we moved there, it turned out to be the best times of my life.
• strangers that make you smile. Ms. Dahlstrom you have been so nice. thank you!
• Kathleen Edwards she rough, she's honest and i can relate to her beautiful songs

"And if you weren't so old, I'd probably keep you.
if you weren't so old, I'd tell my friends.
But I don't think your wife would like my friends."
Hilarious.....