Friday, October 21, 2005


After reading Heather's blog all these month's, I continue to admire her for her ability to write without being hindered by worries of consequences. I don't think I am so lucky. Part of me wishes that I could be more open about past relationships and life events. To open "the can of worms" and try and erase some of the bad feelings and get rid of that pain at the bottom of my stomach when his/their name is mentioned, or hen I am reminded of something that once happened to me. Maybe it would help to ease the jealousy and/or make me a better person. Yet, would it cause problems between myself and Dan?
As truly brutally honest as he has been, I have never opened myself up to him about my life before him, yet there are some things that I have never opened up to anyone. Is that ok? Does he need to know, do I need to go there? With him or with anyone? Some things are maybe better left in the past, but I can't help but wonder if he should know sometimes because these are events that have shaped the person that I am. I know that Dan pretends that he isn't very smart, because that is how he gets people to do things for him. I know that his mother's death was the most pivotal and earth shattering event of his life, and that is why nothing trivial affects him like it does me. I know and understand all his insecurities. I get him. I get him completely, but sometimes I am scared that he doesn't get me completely because there are pieces of my past that are missing to him.

"Neil says hi by the way
I don't believe you are leaving cause
Me and charles manson like the same ice cream
I think it's that girl
And I think there are pieces of me you have never seen
Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well"

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