Saturday, June 04, 2005

new me, and i dont' care

i feel like screaming
i feel like smashing ...anything
throwing porcelain through plate glass
taking my pills with my jack and coke
playing in traffic
talking to strangers
not wearing a seatbelt

i'm mad today more than sad
and sometimes i wish i could be mad
more often
i'm so tired of being quiet
i'm so tired of being invisible
i'm tired of being passed over
and not treated
and not having the same things done
to me
like i would do for you.

i'm grieving
i only got 1 email
no calls
she died and dan called
this morning and asked how
she was
i hung up the phone
i am a bitch
i drank jack daniels all day
i want to be a disaster
i can't pay attention anymore

2 comments:

HKD said...

awww, baby, i'm sorry.

Nessie V said...

spread-eagle on my living room floor now!!!
if that doesn't make you crack even the tiniest hint of a smile do i have to mention the word "cheeseburgers"...
oh the summer of tiramisu.

love you
be kind to yourself.